Excited

So through many dark times and ups and downs..even though we are presently in a "down" moment, there is a light shining..new projects in the works make me feel revived and alive..so much to do and not a lot of time..sometimes I wish I didn't need any sleep. My mind keeps going and it makes it really hard to sleep at night.

The sunscreen company my husband is a part of is really amazing and I am proud to be part of the family..I have been working hard to update their site and I cannot wait for it to launch. The old site: Vertra.com has been sooooo boring and we have had it on the under construction page for years now!!!! We are finally going to have it facelifted and it's beautiful! Thank you to our friend Bobby who has always given me the opportunity to test my web skill and use my brain to learn new things...my husband always thinks that's what I studied in school but it isn't..I found a love for it when I had to do a final project that included something we hadn't learned in class..and my choice was web designing/code..and I am stilla newbie but I love learning and it's made me feel very happy and alive. Something I have been missing in a long time. Years, maybe

I hope that someday I have more things to post about..and eventually be able to post more outfit pics! All my clothes have been sad in my closet..my cutoff shorts collection, as huge as it may be, has been pretty much the only thing getting any wear these days. I miss wearing things but they still don't fit right on me..10 more pounds 10 more pounds..=) And I really need my hair to grow back so I can feel more feminine. I've had to shave it and hope that this has been my LAST time I do that. I like the completely bald look with bangs but once it grows out, it looks awful and then I have that middle stage that lasts forever. For those of you who don't know me, I have really really really bad OCD. I've had them since I was little but never knew it..I have bad anxiety as well..and as I've gotten older and become a parent, I think my body changed and it's gotten worse..I've bitten my nails a lot worse than I have ever done my whole life..and I hadn't pulled my hair out since I was in intermediate and it suddenly started..I have a OCD called trichotillomania. Knowing that I am not the only one living with this is comforting..but I am trying as hard as I can to stop..that was the whole reason I first shaved my hair off..to stop..That was last father's day. I have since shaved it 4 times..a few weeks ago was HOPEFULLY the last time..I am determined to wear a hat or beanie or wig or scarf until it grows to a decent length. I've got a million headbands waiting to be worn and I only get to use them with my wig but it's so damned hot here so sometimes I can't stand wearing the wig..but I am totally sick of looking like a boy!!!! HAHAHHA excuse the little life story there..I thought I would finally write down what I was going through..in case anyone out there has to deal with the same things......I am hoping that these new project I'm taking on will help restore my inner self and help me to stop with my extremes..I wished I were emotionally and mentally stronger it isn't easy..=) big hugs to anyone out there with these issues. I totally understand.....XOXO!