No Stand Mixer Ciabatta Bread

So I wanted to make bread for a while just haven't gotten around to it. I think I miss being at the bakery but I can't go back..not for a long time..the labor work is tough on the body and after the car accident, I don't know if my back will be happy with the heavy labor work at the bakery..

Anyway, I decided to make ciabatta bread so I can make sandwiches..only problem, they came out so yummy we have been ripping off pieces and eating them plain!!!!!! It was easy to make and I used my hands since I didn't have a stand mixer..and it came out yummy and chewy and just AWESOME!!

Slow Cooker Ribs

I've been in and out of my cooking phases as of late..I feel lazy yet I feel like cooking. I'm not quite sure that makes any sense..but I just feel like I haven't got a clue what to cook sometimes and that makes it hard because without knowing what I feel like eating or making, what do i make!?!?!
I didn't feel like going to the market so I looking in my fridge and voila! there was frozen baby back ribs ready for the cooking!! I put it in the slow cooker and cooked it on high for 5 hours and by the time hubs got home, he was able to throw it on the grill for the last 30 minutes to have that lovely char!! It came out amazing and I don't even eat ribs..I had a bite and knew it was yummm...hubs was happy and so was I to have made something yummy without having to stop at the market YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!



Zis becoming a big boy..and he's 70% of the time nice to his little brother hahaha..they were at the office and he was sharing R's cereal with him on the boxes..it was cute..poor guy fractured his elbow and is in a cast for 3 weeks..I swear he is just as clumsy as I am which scares me because I think we are in for many years of being in the hospital..he's already been in the emergency room 3 times and he's only 4..OMG!

Beautiful Roses

The other week we went to our friend's son's spreading of his ashes..it was sad but beautiful. Heartbreaking. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child. I don't know if I could ever recover. But their family never ceases to amaze me. They stand together holding tight and strong and somehow I always feel admiration for them. Always have and this only makes me admire them more.

Things on the homefront have been a lot better...I feel like the clouds are lifting and I can breathe a little easier for some reason. Moneywise, not so much, but family wise, yes, I feel like I can breathe and not feel so claustrophobic. Maybe it's my meds actually taking effect and helping me for once, or my hubs somehow being a lot more awesome than he's been..or a combo of both..but I see rays of light for the first time in a long time..=)

this was the rose petals that were spread on the ocean at the ash scattering..it was beautiful..a beautiful morning..very fitting for Isaiah..you will be remembered..

photo taken from S.D. of S.D.

Growth

As time passes, sometimes I wonder if people don't have at least 1 thing they do together all the time, will they grow into completely different people in the end? I know they say you need to grow together..change together..so I wonder if there is an exception to that rule. There usually isn't an EXCEPTION..but when I become more reclusive and homey..and my other half still remains social and wanting to be out there in the crowd, what will happen in the end? Sometimes I think it is possible that things won't matter..but I can't help but feel the sadness and feelings like I have nothing and no one when the other half of us has the total opposite life..it makes me feel like I'm lesser and missing something that I don't have..not sure if that makes any sense. I have goals in my head, thinking of my future..focusing on things I need to do to survive and keep life afloat and being a mother.....that in itself takes up all my time. But my other half is doing just that, but doing it while continuing his own life a part of work and part of just himself....I feel like I'm lame and such a loser for having nothing outside of my home and future aspirations.....i really have no close friends who actually live here..aside from 1 whom I hardly see these days with conflicting schedules of parenthood on both sides..I'm a far cry from having a life like my other half.....and I don't think I want to either..but it makes me feel like the road we are both on are going to lead us to two completely different endings..maybe i'm just being my anxiety crazed self overthinking it and making myself sink in a black hole of mental crazy. But I needed to just get this out of my head so I can sleep....UGH

Lovebug

yesterday was little love's first birthday..it's so hard to imagine how much he's grown. A part of me wants him to stay this cute innocent baby, but the other part is happy to see how smart he is! Oh if only we could keep him small hahaha

happy birthday little love!

My Heart is Hurting

Last night I found out a good friend of mines son passed away. I don't know the details only that he is now gone and it hurts my heart hearing that...I cannot fathom how painful it must be...no parent should ever have to live to see a child go before them. What a strange way to start the new year....today is Rocket's birthday and it's bittersweet knowing this sad news

My heart is aching


photo via howtolivewithgrief.com