Sunday, November 25, 2012

Physical or Mental

What is worse, physically sick or mentally sick. I think both but the worst is if you are sick at all and look fine. No one ever believes you don't feel good and you can't prove it when you look completely healthy on the outside. Harder when people around you are extreme and would only realize the extent when someone is dying on a hospital bed or bleeding to death or actually dead. It would be an "OH SHIT, I FEEL SO BAD I NEVER KNEW IT WAS SO BAD" moment...laughable hahahahaha Crazy how as much as we all don't think about how others interpret ourselves for the way we are or act, we have to consciously catch ourselves in whatever it is and make every effort to become a better human..It's like blaming your family for being heavy drinkers. It doesn't mean you have to be a heavy drinker as well..we can make an effort to not because you see the consequences of those actions.. In my efforts to clear my head from the haze, I have been doing as many active things as I can and for some reason it hasn't changed my mental state but I do get an hour or two most days of the week to sweat hard and see the sun rising or quiet my brain...somehow I hope that I can clear my head and stomach for a longer length of time and find that place I can relax....would be nice! =)

sunrise sky

love these shoes from topshop london

they are what keeps me moving

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Has it been that long?

Oh boy. I hadn't realized I havent posted in months!  Been so preoccupied with the present I forgot about the computer. I've been really separating myself from time wasting as much as I can but I can't seem to get completely away. At least I am not wasting hours of my awake time sitting at my computer anymore.

Life has been chaotic and awesome and miserable all in one jumbled mess but I think that's how everything is. Trying to let go of the not perfect things and accept that is difficult.

Hiking. Yoga. Jogging. Getting in shape. Anything active. I've become obsessed. And yet my old age keeps me from losing any weight. It's killing me. My favorite sports radio guy Colin cowherd said that at his age now (45) he needs to workout twice as much just to maintain his weight. Compared to his 30s. Which makes me feel like my 30s is the same. Ughhhhhhh I'm annoyed but still proud that I started the first day of the year off walking 2 miles and set a goal I would keep up exercising and haven't fallen off. It's actually complete opposite and I am happy about that. Just win I could see results. Hahaha

Off topic but a year ago I got lashes and loved them but have OCD and totally would rip them out. Stopped. Then a friend started doing it so I got them done and this time I didn't rip them out but I always wipe y face when working out and I wipe it rough and same after a shower. So thy all keep falling out and some rip out from the towel. As much as I love them I don't know if I'm meant to have them or I need to learn to be more gentle and girly with my face hit I am not. Anyone else have this issue? My OCD doesn't help.

I'm in need of healthy veggie ideas as well! Trying to add a lot more variety of veggies and no clue about them. Send them my way if you have any. Yay!!

And to those I've done care pkg swaps with, let's start again!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Raining Outside and In

My brain is a disaster but somehow I have a little more clarity than before. Even my shrink says I sound a lot stronger than I have in all the years I've been seeing her. And it's been about 5 years. I find that when I'm single I have a lot more friendliness in me. More outgoing and open to people. When I'm with someone I tend to focus only on them and family and keep to that small world. Now that my BFF told me I need to just do stuff for myself, I actually put a little more time in being friendlier to people and I actually feel better.

Anyway besides that my life hasn't changed. I feel this crazy become more clearer yet not knowing how to deal with my own mental craze is the issue. Oh the joys of getting older. It is completely awful. The weather sort of reflects my mood. It's been gloomy an rainy and ugly. I think that about sums up my brain right now. Show me the light at the end of the tunnel! Constantly trying to remind myself that I am not going crazy..that I love my kids and life HAHAHAH when all the chaos goes on in my house with my kids I have to remind myself this..hahahhaha

my sons, the models hahaha

On a bright note, I DID get to use my rainboots for the first time in ages! Yay! Time to go stomping in the rain puddles!!

Shirt- hellz, leggings - lamade, shoes - dav

I have been cooking a bunch lately. Wish I had more photos of it! Here are a few.

my fave:

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

DIY Time

Been trying to revive old clothes that were headed to the donations bag but now I think I might keep them. I had a pair of 2 sizes too big JBrand cut off shorts that were always too big and I thought I would like that larger oversized shorts look but I really didn't. It was sitting in my closet with no use. I decided to try cutting it up a little higher to make it more girly and voila! I just took me 30 minutes to shred it and hopefully after a washing it will shred more.

shirt - Nation LTD, shorts - JBrand cut offs

gonna shred these a little more since I want a huge long shredding instead of short ones but I like where it's going!


I also practiced dying my old tanks that I was using for the pool to cover up because I never wear just a bikini no matter what size I am I always wear a shirt or tank over. I was going to throw them away or donate but thought I'd practice dying it and YAY! It came out awesome. Can't wait til the bleaching sets in more and after it's set, I will wash and dry and post AFTER pics


My little garden on the patio seems to be doing much better. The 3 avocado trees that I almost tossed out because of mealy bugs are now healthy as can be and so is the basil..and our tomato plant is growing its first tomatoes! So excited!!!!!!

And just for fun, I made oatmeal cookies for Z but ran out of chocolate chips so I used our extra christmas M&Ms and put them in. They came out yummy but Z somehow DOES NOT LIKE oatmeal cookies! How can you not like them!??!?!?! So I thought I'd make them into ice cream sammies since he loves vanilla ice cream but he did not even want to go near them!! What kind of kid do I have!??! I ended up giving almost all of them away to our neighbors because I didn't want to eat them all by myself! They were so yummy........what's the use of me liking to bake and cook when no one in my house ever eats?!!!!!!! LOL

my little lovebug is 2 sad it's too fast!

shirt - In4mation HI shirt, shoes - converse, shorts - babygap

And JUST because, this is what I woke up to this was gorgeous..too bad the amazing colors in the morning means it's humid, ugly, hot weather for the day!