It MAY be ok if it is mutually agreed that you BOTH are allowed to act that way but not if only one of you is acting that way and the other isn't or even allowed to do the same. Even if you're miserable and unhappy in a relationship, you do not act inappropriately out of respect for that person and your family. If you're unhappy and hate someone, leave them, break up with them, or divorce them. Acting out of bounds is not ok, especially if you both have said cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. Inappropriate actions and situations are going to get you there. You are not allowed to disrespect someone in a way that would make you angry if they were to do what you are doing. It is totally OK to have friends of the opposite sex, close friends with whom you talk to and chill with. But it is not ok when you continue to put yourself in situations where it would put you in question on the outside from others who would see it and question your actions. For jokes to be made about "pissing off both your wives" by your supposedly "best friends" who are of the opposite sex, to have text and chat messages every single day about meeting for lunch, coffee, and drinks after work every night for over a year and not having to account for where you been and with whom to your family at home is a definite lack of respect. The ultimate actor, portraying the tired, stressed, super busy role to people so they think you're just hard at work. That in turns has broken trust and has taken full advantage of having freedom you never earned. It may be ok if your other half does the same thing you are doing and it doesn't bother either of you. But if you're going to be pissy and have a shitty attitude about your other half making friends of the opposite sex and make them feel guilty for even having that friendship, you are NOT allowed to do the same thing that you would be upset about. If you look at yourself and what you're doing, and think, "Hey, if they did this to me, I'd be upset", then don't do it. Selfish and self centered people don't belong in relationships. Relationships mean compromise, sacrifice, trust, respect, and love.