Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Life is too Short

Today I had an emergency meeting with no clue what it was about only to find out a girl we were all just getting to know had been murdered over the weekend. 

My heart hurts and I am stunned, shocked, speechless (on what's the right thing to think or say), angry, and depressed over this news.  She was so light and happy and had this really awesome aura and she was truly sweet. I cannot imagine how anyone could lose their life over someone else's hands. How selfish it is for someone to take away someone else's life, their dreams, and future. It makes me sick to know this and makes me sink into the darkness all over. Reminds me of the multiple tragedies that have happened over the last few years and how it seems to be too close to home, losing people and finding out others are ill. 

As we get older it seems there are more and more of these stories and it scares me. It also branches out into the many disturbing things about this world and its people that make me sad and angry and just makes you question everything. Why do people need to be so greedy and selfish. Both contribute to people getting sick, the loss of animals and forests and nature, and our food we eat being ruined by human greed. Everything goes in this sick circle and I feel helpless and don't know where to start to make the difference. I would like to make a difference somehow. 

Standing in this darkness, I know that beyond the dark is the light and that I need to find the good in life and the world to be happy. There are so many things to hold onto and make life positive that I can't let this overshadow the good. Life is too short. I need to remember to stop living in the minute that passed and keep living in the minute now. Smile at those around me, hug those near me, and leave trails of light, happy memories for others to embrace. I tell my kids all the time that I want them to be good kids and I can be a good happy mother so we never ever leave the car/house/room in negativity. I never want them to have left something in anger or frustration and always leave with a smile and happiness because if something happened to me later that day, the last thing I want them to think about is "mommy was so mad and yelling at me" before they left the car/house/room.  

Everyone deserves to be happy and positive. Spend less time in the darkness that consumes the mind. So remember to love those around you and hold them tight today because we cannot predict our tomorrow's. 

I've had this in my photo albums to always remind me to stop looking at tragedy and love life. Today, it was the perfect reminder. 

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Body Fails Me

Ughhh how many entries will I have until my feet fucking heal. I am about to have a meltdown. 
Here is my timeline:
January 4, 2014: halfway through the 10 miler I had major inner ankle pain on the left side. After igot home I could barely walk but I just assumed it was just sore. Next day it got worse and i really could barely walk or stand on it. I rested for two weeks with no running and doing my home workouts in between. I wanted to get healed in time for the disney half marathon. 
January 19, 2014: still tender but not so bad, I threw on my altra torin that I hoped would provide added cushion for my feet and ran the disney half in complete pain from the first mile. I made it through the race but after I stopped running my feet were both in so much pain I almost couldn't walk back to the room. I iced and massaged it but it was sore. Right foot now in pain for over compensating to cover the lack of my left foot in the run. Bad idea. Pretty much stopped running again for a few weeks and just worked out at home. 
February 4, 2014: feet felt less tender so decided to join the run ladies for the 5 miler but felt pulling in my feet
February 18, 2014: tried to run with them again and pain in my feet. Decided to just stop running completely to see if I could let it fully heal before attempting to run. 
Started swimming three times a week at the pool to get some added workouts in between but even that makes my feet hurt. I feel like I'm supposed to NOT do anything in order for it to get better but I can't do that! I can't stay put and I need to exercise. 

I went to see a sport chiro from a friend who is a crazy runner and ask he helped her and all her friends get back to running and he seems to think its something with my muscle in my calf wrapping around my outer foot to mid foot and then a second issue with the tendon on the inner foot up the side to my inner ankle. On both feet. He's been doing some wierd machine on my feet and some grasting method and I've only gone twice and it feels worse. He said he next time I go in he may need to do X-rays if it hasn't helped at all. That is going to suck seeing as I have no medical. But I don't know what to do. I feel all the knots/trigger points in my calves and feet. I use the stick and the footlog everyday and its painful so I know I've got issues with my feet and calves but I'm not sure what is going on. 

my daily torture
Feels like everytime I stand for too long or exercise it get more painful. Thursday I took a sample crossfit class with my team and it was fricken awesome. I was afraid that I would be sore to use my feet at the workout but it wasn't. 

cutest part of the workout

But my entire body is sore in a good way but my calves are more rift now and my feet are more sore. And then Friday I was standing at the park for a few hours watching rocket play and I was in pain in my feet when I got home. 

And now I just have major pain in my feet and I can barely stand on it. Sort of scaring me. I just want it to get better. I miss running and I miss being healthy.  How can I stop being on the move? Its impossible!!

I've always got my pocketfuel
these kids make me laugh with mustaches

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Kids Adventures

You're forewarned that this post will contain overload of my boys are hahaha

I have realized how important some friends have been in this transition of life. People have always said you don't count the friends who are there when things are great but the ones who are standing by you when things aren't great. I've never been one to ask for favors and when I do I feel terrible asking but I've had to ask a few friends for something's back home and it's been making me feel bad to rely on others for help but it also showed me how awesome they are and how much they don't seem to care to take time out to do it for me. For that I am forever grateful. 

He's quite stoked that aunty Tams sent him some of his favorite jam completely unhealthy full of sugar but delish

We've been trying our best to do something outdoors at least once during the weekend. We took a break from our normal Red Rock Canyon routine because there was a storm that passed last week and I heard there was snow and I wanted them to have their (possibly) last fun in snow til next winter. After much fighting about one wanting to go red rock and the other wanting to see snow, we went to Mount Charleston in search of it. The weather was not like all the other times we went. The entire mountain was white which we had not seen all the past times we went. My kids were like "its white!!! Snow!!"  

I hope to be able to run with this view someday. If my damned feet would heal I would love to lace up and run! 

And it was definitely snow! There was a heavy fog that rolled in as we went up the mountain and we stopped at a different spot because it was hard to see. What was awesome was the fresh snow we found. We had never been there when the snow was fresh and soft. It was so much fun and we made a snowman for the first time in our lives. As much as I miss the green mountains and blue ocean back home in Hawaii, I am a little excited to be able to find and explore winter and snow that I've never had the opportunity to experience my whole life!  This is definitely a new chapter we need to look forward to. Can't wait til next winter and take snowboarding lessons! 

Never without my picky bars!