The boys are growing up so fast. It's bittersweet. I'm happy to see them growing and being more independent, but sad because they don't need me as much as they have. It's a battle between them driving me insane and missing them when I don't see them.
So many changes are happening towards the end of 2014 and it's hard to wrap my head around everything. I had meltdown after meltdown because there are so many new changes at once it scares the hell out of me but I know that that is why I need to face them rather than run from them like I would have always done. My job always tells me that when it's hard and it's work, it is helping me. It is my "work" when I'm challenged to do something I'm scared of.
Everything that has happened in the last year has challenged me and what worked out for the best has always been because I did opposite of what I would have normally done. So everything will find a way to work itself out. I have to constantly tell myself that and hear the reassurance from close family and friends or I may sink into a dark hole.
The weather has been beautiful lately and it's been so amazing to take the kids out even for an hour on a short hike before work. It's so hard to let go of being a parent when there are so many other responsibilities to juggle and I always feel a guilt inside when I can't be there for everything like I used to. In the end, I know I'm trying everything I can to fit in little bits in between work to make time even if it's for a short time. No one said life and parenting was easy. It's definitely more challenging for someone like me who feels guilty and responsible for everything no matter what the situation. I need to learn to not feel responsible and guilty as much as I do. Work In Progress.