Saturday, December 27, 2014

Ending the year with changes

Been a while since I've written an entry. Just been a little hectic with the holiday training for work and my constant long commutes between states. I'm so grateful I have my parents who have put in so much time and energy to help me raise the kids in the best way possible so that I can have these opportunities. Otherwise I would never have been able to do this. The kids are in the best hands and have grown to be such well mannered boys. They have so much more to learn but have developed such good things in the last year. So many things have changed and my life is definitely not what I would ever have imagined a year ago.  Life is bittersweet because I never wanted to be the parent that had to be away working so much and not being able to be with my kids all the time.  Yet, it is nice to have work and continue growing.  I just hate that this is where my life has taken me.  I have to work so much in order to BARELY survive supporting the kids and the constant stress of wondering if I will ever be able to move out and have our own place is giving me anxiety.   I want to move out but if I do I will have to work even more which makes it harder for me knowing that I don't have as much time to spend all day with the kids like I used to.  Being broke and struggling to even buy groceries was tough but at least I was a stay at home mom and able to take care of them in my own way, now I have to work so much and I am glad that I know they are in good hands when I am working, but it still makes me want to cry knowing I am missing everything.

There are so many new changes happening at this very moment and I have no idea where my life is going to end up but everything will fall into place and I have to learn to stop worrying so much. It just adds to my anxiety when there isn't anything I can do about things I cannot predict and control. 

The new store has been amazing and they made me feel at home instantly. Thank goodness for the amazing little team I have to work with. I'm stoked. Although I'm exhausted everyday and I never wanted to be that mom who had to work and be away from my kids so much, so is life and that I cannot change. I hope someday All of this is worth it and I can have more time to spend as a family instead of always working. 





Until then, I am trying to enjoy every moment I can and do things with them my sister brought them down to San Diego this weekend so my parents could have a break and I didn't have to drive so far for he weekend it's beenawesome. And so glad I have such great support from everyone. This is a great way to end the year can't wait to have christmas with everyone.