Monday, June 29, 2015

Birthdays in a Week

Mat and I have birthdays 6 days apart. It's a very strange month for us. Both of us have bad memories and experiences for the month of June. One of his brothers passed away years ago on my birthday date. And then his last brother passed a few weeks ago so for him, June is not always exciting. For me, my birthday hasn't been special for over a decade and I never celebrate anyway but it also was my old anniversary which was never celebrated and so put that on my birthday and it was never a special occasion. Thank goodness I'm not a girly girl who likes to celebrate holidays and needs special things or I'd be a disaster. 

We decided to do a family day trip and drive up north the day before my bday. Drove with no specific plans with possibility of staying a night somewhere if we wanted. We wanted to drive up to San Simeon or further towards Carmel but it wasn't sure since it was so far up north.  We headed to San Luis Obsipo and stopped along the way in between.  Pismo beach was a nice halfway point which had sand dunes and we were so excited to see all the atvs and people camping. We plan on setting up camp day next time if we plan ahead. 

We continued on to Morrow Bay which was about 4 hours north of us. If was crazy how cold and grey it was. It was beautiful but we hope to catch it on a nice sunny day next time. We were tired and decided to drive back home. Not realizing we were only a few hours away from San Francisco. We wanted to head to Carmel and Monterey but we will plan another trip soon.  The kids kept asking where we were going and when we would get where and we kept saying no plans. Sometimes we can't set plans and just go somewhere without reason. We decided that we needed to keep doing these day trips without plans so they get used to life of adventure. 

Two of my coworkers pulled me on the side and told me they planned a little fun few hours for the kids on my bday so that I could have time on my own. It was the sweetest thing and I cried when they told me. They said they had it all planned out and wanted to let the kids have a good time as well. Normally I wouldn't take anyone up on it but Mat said we should and let the kids experience some new things too. They had the best time with aunty Emily and Mackenzie. They didn't want them to go home!  They brought me the sweetest card and flowers too. Love them!

With all the chaos that has been going on, I never realized I forgot to sign up z for week 1 of summer camp and when we got there on the first day he wasn't signed up!  Boy was the stressful knowing we all work. But luckily mat had a good early schedule this week and was able to be home with him. We planned lots of days outside exploring with him before I went to work so he wasn't sitting home and got some quality time without rocket to enjoy with us. It was really nice for all of us. 

Del Cerro

Abalone cove learning to skip rocks

For mats bday we made a day trip to lake arrowhead and big bear lake. It was a nice drive but exhausting and hot like a desert.  We need to plan to go fishing at big bear or hike because we just took a drive out without really knowing what was there. We did find an awesome alpine slide sled at big bear and was super excited to try it out. Kids loved it =). Can't wait to plan more day trips everywhere and teach the kids what it means to explore new adventures and be outside. 

Lake arrowhead

Big bear mountain overlooking the lake

Alpine slide

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

We are our Childhood

We really are a reflection of how we grow up. Yes, we can do everything we can to do things differently as adults if we choose to (if you have a bad childhood or want to do things differently) but it really isn't easy. 

If you're raised in a warm loving home, chances are, you become that way. My love has always had the sweetest heart, kindness, and love like no one I have ever known. Meeting his whole family has shown me that he is truly what he grew up with. He is his family. It amazes me and makes me smile. They showed such love and strength in the hardest time and I felt it through the three days I was there. 

So grateful to have all of this in my life and for the boys to be able to grow up with this as well. Everything that surrounds them will be warm and filled with love and kindness which makes me smile even in these times. 

I went through some old memories of almost a year ago and I had posted a picture of me with coffee and a quote on my Sbux cup about no experience being a waste. Everything has meaning. And that was the very day love sent me a message and started this entire whirlwind we have experienced. Stars aligned and I am always thinking how lucky we crossed paths and how very lucky I am.  Cosmic. 

Monday, June 8, 2015

Live Love

Life is so short.
My Loves younger brother died in a car accident on Friday and it really has thrown this month into a strange time for all of us. My heart hurts for his family. His parents who had already lost another son years ago in the same way must be heartbroken and confused why this would happen again. 

I am a natural worrywart already but now it's even scarier. Just thinking of someone getting in a car scares me. It also makes me think of the long commute from Vegas to California I did every week for four months. How scary that was for my own parents. I'm so glad I no longer do that drive. Having to drive the kids over there his weekend and do a quick turnaround to make it back to work really scared me. All the times I drove exhausted from working 5a-12p and driving straight to vegas from there. Anything could have gone wrong. 

I worry about Love now more than ever. It happened twice now and his dad getting hit on his motorcycle last year just adds to the "cursed" feelings and I want to have him by our side always. It's so hard to stop worrying about the things you can't control when it's about people you care about. But if we always worry we would never experience life. I understand that but I still have anxiety thinking all those thoughts. 

My kids have so much to look forward to and such a great life ahead of them. We want to be there to teach them and show them the world and life filled with amazing things. Not make them paranoid that something bad will happen hahahaha 

Everyone has been so supportive and offering to help out as much as they can. I'm so grateful. One of my favorite friends from work has been the lovely smile in my day. She came and dropped off a plant for me knowing I was worried and sad in an empty home for the week. She got me an aloe but really wanted to get a cactus because she said it represented me. Cacti being resilient. She's awesome. 

My old friend from JetBlue who I haven't seen in years. She's been a good friend for over 12 years but we don't have to speak to each other and pick up where we left off every time. She was driving through on a vacay with her son and she planned it weeks ahead to meet for a few hours but this tragedy happened that same morning. She said I don't care if I see you for 30 minutes. I'll take it. It was so nice to see her and let the boys play like they've been friends forever. Loveeeee 

Lesson for his month. Live life love everyone who shares love because life is short and we don't want to go with regrets and sadness.