TOFUSCLOSET

DIY Time

2012-01-18T16:25:00.005-10:00

Been trying to revive old clothes that were headed to the donations bag but now I think I might keep them. I had a pair of 2 sizes too big JBrand cut off shorts that were always too big and I thought I would like that larger oversized shorts look but I really didn't. It was sitting in my closet with no use. I decided to try cutting it up a little higher to make it more girly and voila! I love..it just took me 30 minutes to shred it and hopefully after a washing it will shred more.

shirt - Nation LTD, shorts - JBrand cut offs

gonna shred these a little more since I want a huge long shredding instead of short ones but I like where it's going!

AFTER WASHING:

I also practiced dying my old tanks that I was using for the pool to cover up because I never wear just a bikini no matter what size I am I always wear a shirt or tank over. I was going to throw them away or donate but thought I'd practice dying it and YAY! It came out awesome. Can't wait til the bleaching sets in more and after it's set, I will wash and dry and post AFTER pics

AFTER:

My little garden on the patio seems to be doing much better. The 3 avocado trees that I almost tossed out because of mealy bugs are now healthy as can be and so is the basil..and our tomato plant is growing its first tomatoes! So excited!!!!!!

And just for fun, I made oatmeal cookies for Z but ran out of chocolate chips so I used our extra christmas M&Ms and put them in. They came out yummy but Z somehow DOES NOT LIKE oatmeal cookies! How can you not like them!??!?!?! So I thought I'd make them into ice cream sammies since he loves vanilla ice cream but he did not even want to go near them!! What kind of kid do I have!??! I ended up giving almost all of them away to our neighbors because I didn't want to eat them all by myself! They were so yummy........what's the use of me liking to bake and cook when no one in my house ever eats?!!!!!!! LOL

my little lovebug is 2 now..so sad it's too fast!

shirt - In4mation HI shirt, shoes - converse, shorts - babygap

And JUST because, this is what I woke up to this morning..it was gorgeous..too bad the amazing colors in the morning means it's humid, ugly, hot weather for the day!

3 Days In...

2012-01-03T18:17:00.003-10:00

Third day of the new year and already starting on the wrong foot. A sign of what's to come? I sure hope not. It's funny how I know that my own home life is what's causing my mental instability and yet I have no idea how to fix it. My kids give me anxiety and my hubs too..my doc keeps saying my home is supposed to be the safe place..the place for relax and happiness but it's totally the opposite. It's definitely my own doing. I just have no idea how to turn it off. One kid is acting up being sassy and talking back and not listening..I believe its a typical 5 year old attitude..but it's an ugly attitude and the little one is copying and constantly trying to make trouble and make it worse for the older one and sometimes I would like to just let them beef it out on their own..run off and let them fight! But maybe a year more before that can happen since R is not 2 yet..hahahha

beach days

if only they could get along all the time! HAHAHA

Hubs and I had turned a new leaf ending of 2011 but of course, like a child acts when they are in trouble, they fix it for a few weeks and then go back to doing exactly what they said they were sorry for..hmmmm grumpiness and addiction to the iphone and computer/facebook has seriously taken over his life..so much so that he even takes his phone to the bathroom to do #2. Or even to take a bath..like you need to check it as soon as you get out of the shower?? Geez..if I were suspicious, I could be but I honestly believe it isn't some other woman hahaha I know him and he's not that kind of person but really..letting the internet rule life is awful...knowing when to live life and enjoy it to the fullest is so much more important that wasting it away on the computer or phone in the company of others....you know its bad when you have to remind someone to stop using the computer while guests are over the house. I try not to nag so I almost never say anything until it's been happening way too often and then I feel like a nag and I hate it. Hopefully we both can get a grip on what is really important..yes, we all take each other and family for granted...forget to be thoughtful and caring to those closest to us..I am guilty of it myself..I catch myself ignoring my family or mom or pets and I feel guilty..and I try to change it but sometimes it doesn't work..I hope we can all strive to be concious of what we are doing even if we do them, we know we did it and work on trying to do better....action, not words. I really would like to make big changes in 2012. I really do..I need to make myself a better person. I hope that this time around I actually succeed. Here is to the hopes in an awesome 2012 year...

In the meantime, we have had beautiful breezy winter hawaii weather lately..and today it died down and now it's muggy and hot like usual. Sad because I was so happy for 2 weeks of cold weather...funny being from here I would think I'd be used to this yucky weather but I am not..I need to be somewhere cold hahahaha.

thanksgiving dinner..

sukiyaki - random cooking

Z loves making cupcakes

Breakfast Beach Halloween

2011-11-01T18:04:00.002-10:00

This was the first year Z actually wanted to dress up and go trick or treating. He's a late bloomer and never wanted to dress up and didn't care much for trick or treating. Still doesn't but I think school has got him a little more interested in it. He was shy asking for candy but it was good time. We beat the rain shower which started right after we made our loop and our friends showed up but we were done and it was pouring rain!

sorry r's tail looks like a wiener! =(

I have been cooking somewhat. Not often because hubs is never home for dinner during the weekdays so once in a while I'll cook a meaningful dinner and weekends I TRY to make something for bfast that is different from norm. Z likes pancakes..or so he says. Everytime I make them he only eats a little but I think he just likes the idea of making them? Sort of like making cupcakes but not.

Sunday morning bfast

Shoyu chicken for the family. I don't eat meat but they rest of my family does so this is for them..

My mental health is suffering severely. Sometimes I am not sure what to do. Now that I am not nursing, I am able to take a half xanax when it gets really bad but I hate taking meds. But I will get severe pain in my stomach from anxiety and almost throwing up from it. Ugh I wish I could make it all stop but half the time I have no idea WHY I have these anxiety attacks. Sometimes I wonder if I should just start smoking weed to help..but I am not much of a smoker and I don't know what's worse, drugs or weed...help!!!!!!! I am trying to keep it together for my family so I can still function but my mind and body is in turmoil..I know part of it is my body and how I hate it. I play Kinect Sports and you can see the video of yourself after you are done and I see how fat I am and it's depressing and I am determined to lose that last 15-20 pounds I have been saying I will lose from the baby..it's almost 2 years..there is no excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time Flies

2011-10-12T15:13:00.004-10:00

Time sure does pass quickly as we get older. I remember when I was a kid, weekdays would not go fast enough and weekends would just be too short. Now everyday seems to blend into the next and I have a hard time remembering what last week was like or what the day is. Before I know it, half of October is done, the year is almost over and I feel like it was just the start of 2011! OMG..

The last month has been hectic. Things have gone from bad to worse to better to not better too many ups and downs I can't keep track. I found a blog that really touched strings reminding me that all marriages have a lot of work and the disconnect is not just in my own household. Things CAN be fixed if we can figure things out..there is hope hahaha..thank you Anisa of 10yearsin. For those of you who may be faint at heart, maybe you shouldn't read the blog..it is a blog that has some graphically written sexual acts but the stories about her life is very relate-able to those who want comfort in knowing you aren't the only ones who go through the same things.

Moving on, we just got back from San Francisco visiting my mother-in-law. It was a great trip and much needed. I had forgotten how much I love SF. It brought back all the memories of being 18 and almost moving there. The weather is made for me. I don't know why I live here where its humid and hot. I hope someday we can move there. It's an awesome place and we are so glad hub's mom lives there so we have more reason to visit often. It was really nice to see my favorite lady and her little family. I have very few girl friends who I can really pick up where we left off after so much time has passed..she's one of them. Her little baby is such a cutie!!!

Waiting for the cable car...tourists yes!

R loves the airplanes..luckily we were there for Fleet week so we got to see blue angels practicing on the pier.

Anyway, we have been doing a lot of beach days, soccer, art, school, football and have been busy but I will do my best to keep posting more often.

Beach days passed out on the way home

xoxo!!!

Appreciate

2011-09-01T23:17:00.003-10:00

The last few days have been really nice and mellow. Z has been a really good boy lately which makes my entire day much better when he's not being nuts. It's funny how he can be naughty and drive me so nuts that my world is chaos. But when he's on the rigt plain everything is brighter and lighter and happy. I feel better. It goes to show hat all it takes is for the situation to make our environment better us he little things that will matter so much that it flips the switch on my thinking and perceiving of that someone or something. Even hubs stepped it up the other day helping out before I even said anything! Made me so insanely happy and I told him so. Just the smallest thing like having a coffee for me when I got up or having cleaned out the washer before I was up made me so happy. Why is it hard for men to realize those little things make the whole world better? Ahahaha. At least for me. I've never been the present kind of girl. I never needed gifts and flowers and stuff. I find the little things that make me see they know who "I" am and what I actually like that makes me happy. Yes I feel crazy. I really am nuts. I know it. I still feel this feeling of something pulling me down in the dumps but I am trying to fight it. Ugh. But it makes me happy knowing that something can make my gray cloud disappear even for a moment and I'm not stuck in this forever. Now if only I could make it last hahaha

Thank you all for the lovely messages and concerns. Xoxoxoxo

Sinking or floating

2011-08-28T20:39:00.003-10:00

Sinking or floating.... Not sure which but either of them means im just exising and not living

What do you do when you have no one. No one to rely on. Not a shoulder to count on to be the rock when you really need it? What becomes of a person when it's just you. All alone. Not physically since there will always be bodies present in company. Just emotionally and mentally. What happens. I think we lose our own sanity sometimes. I've always been a private person. Maybe having one person who I always stuck with. But even that as I grow older I have lost because the few close friends I have aren't even near me now. I think I'm mentally missing the part of life that includes human interaction other than babies and toddlers. Literally been 5 years since I've been my own person and I don't really know who I am or what I like anymore. Funny how being so isolated and given the full role as a parent has cost me giving up my brain hahaha. No really. I always devote all my time to one thing. Be it school friend kid boyfriend job whatever but I always could only focus on one thing and put all my efforts in it but it's my downfall and I've made myself this way. Partly because I want to make everyone else happy and accommodate everyone else's time and schedule and put my own self qt the bottom of the list. Five years can really do a number on a mental state. Having no one to remind me that im just as important as everyone else so take care of you first once In a while makes it hard to always remember. And more so on one who has anxiety and social issues. Omfg. Funny I can know that but not know the way to right it. I need to run or something. Fuck it

For the Better or Worse - just words

2011-08-12T17:15:00.004-10:00

I am definitely not in a good place right now and I can't seem to get right with myself and my head. I'm in a spot where I feel like I should go away and disappear for a while for the sake of everyone around me. My kids no doubt can feel my emotional turmoil and frustration and I'm always easily agitated by things. I hate this about myself and I hate feeling this way and I'm worried my kids will not be happy kids because of the aura that I'm exuding. It's ugly and dark and I want to slap myself silly to wake the f up but it doesn't seem to be working.

When I was a teenager I would get depressed about something and I would want to do things that I knew would hurt me as a person. I'd slice my arms or only drink coffee and smoke cloves all day long. Knowing that these things were harmful to myself in a dark way of dealing and expressing that maybe I wanted to disappear and die but too cowardly to just kill myself. Sounds crazy and I have not done that since I was young but lately I've been feeling that same feeling deep inside wishing I would like smoking cloves again and wanting to cut my arms and disappear. It's a scary feeling because it is something I always thought was the past. Left behind as I've grown into an adult. I have really nowhere to let these thoughts out to except here. I'm sure only a handful of people actually read this so now it's become like a journal I can keep with my ugly thoughts and dysfunctional mind. My other half has not realized the importance of being my best friend forever. That's what keeps relationships stron is a good bond. And I think like most menthey assume that everything works out on it's own without the effort because we are all together like a family even if we spend no time together and aren't there for each other to make the dark days bright. I'm going way too deep into y thoughts and I apologiZe if this makes no sense because I'm just typing as my mind is running. Usually it only makes sense in my own head.

Please note that it's not my hubs fault really. It's my own issue and it must not be easy living with a mental nut case pike me who is emotionally sensitive. If he knew to be my best friend I think it would help a lot but I don't think he realizes it even when I tell him hahaha

Don't worry I will live to see tomorrow hahahha

image via dreamtime.com

Beach for Days

2011-08-02T19:56:00.003-10:00

Summer vacation may be over but the beach days aren't. Z loves the beach so much we go all day on the weekends and sometimes in the late afternoons...makes me really wish we lived a block away from the beach so we wouldn't have to drive and could just walk there. My two little fishes are sooo hilarious and sandy...I think they have permanent sand in their hair...I find it everywhere even after a week hahahaha

So much for cooking...I still am in this awful funk and I don't know what to do so no pics of food AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN UGHHHHHHHHHHHH

but one thing about the summer vacation ending, I get part of my sanity back since Z starts Kindergarten and I don't have the headache of the two boys all day long hahahha I love them but all morning and night I get noooooo time to myself!!! I need sleeeeepppp

this is what my daddy does to me in the mornings hahaha

Lost

2011-07-25T17:11:00.002-10:00

I have neglected this blog..I'm sorry..I am in the strangest funk..even in a cooking funk which is not normal for me..I haven't felt like cooking in a while and have no inspiration to cook..it's wierd.

But I think I am wallowing in my pity..sorry about that but I really have no where else to vent..so all I can say is I feel lost...like I haven't figured out my place in this world or life..I feel this huge need to DO SOMETHING but what I have no clue and is it even possible? Probably not right now with kids...until R goes to school I am limited in what I can get done....

I know there is a lot of things worse than this but yet, I feel a sadness or depression that I am trying to kick..my home situation doesn't help when my other half forgets I am a person too and gives everyone else the cheerful hellos and nice conversations..and leaves me with the i'm-busy-what-do-you-need kind of conversation....that only pushes me to the I'm not psyched feeling..

So yes, I am being silly and yet somehow typing this out makes me feel a little relief..=) now let's see what I can do to get myself out of this damned hole...

Gardening, Beach, Sweets

2011-05-15T11:27:00.005-10:00

Really like to make things..I just wished my family ate them all so I wouldn't eat everything and make it that much harder to lose the last 10 pounds! UGH I really need to do something about it but I can't seem to get motivated enough to lose the fat.

I tried making my own beef broccoli and it came out amazing!!! I am so happy. I think I will make it once a week it was so yum..I also made butter mochi over the weekend and it was so yummy even Z ate it. The kids ate it up so fast there wasn't any left for me!

We have been continuing the beach going. It is relaxing. As much as I dislike the mess of the sand afterwards, it really is nice to be outside and have a good time watching the kids play. I am really jealous of them. Sad to say but everytime I see them I wish I could be them. Life is so simple and fun. All they think of is food, play and more play! How nice it must be. I will be sad when the day comes when they are big enough to think things are boring. Right now, everything is fun to them. A cardboard box is fun. AAAAAHHHHH the joys of being a little kid.

Here is my tiny garden I'm growing on the patio. I wish we had more space. So far, I have 1 basil, 3 avocado trees, 2 strawberries, and the 2 hydrangeas that my sister sent for mother's day. She was sweet, she knew it was my fav flower and it's never available on my bday so she sent it early. Thank you!!!!!!!!! I really hope they flourish.

I think I am having issues with life. I don't know what it is. I know it has a lot to do with trying to make ends meet, having no fam here to help like some other people so I can't really work much because I'd never make much more than paying the sitter, living off one person's income, not having any time to spend with each other so it's like trying to maintain a relationship when we have nothing to share anymore..I mean, hubs and I used to do everything together..now we do nothing together. It's both our faults but it's just almost impossible to be able to have any time to do anything together just us when no one is here to watch the kids even for a little bit. I miss surfing together. I haven't surfed since Z was born..he's almost 5. I think I went twice. I told hubs that I would love to go back but it would just mean 1 more thing I do that doesn't include him in my life because I'd still have to go alone so he can watch the kids and vice versa. How do parents find the time to keep their relationship close when they have no one to watch the kids? I want to know the secret..because I would love to make things the way the were..or at least a little bit more like they were =)

Vertra

2011-04-22T12:44:00.002-10:00

It's up!!! We finally updated the site. It was under construction for years!!!!!! I am so happy we gave it a facelift and it's beautiful!! Just thought I'd mention because I am so very proud of the Vertra team and how far they have come from start to now..=)

Vertra website

Excited

2011-04-13T23:42:00.004-10:00

So through many dark times and ups and downs..even though we are presently in a "down" moment, there is a light shining..new projects in the works make me feel revived and alive..so much to do and not a lot of time..sometimes I wish I didn't need any sleep. My mind keeps going and it makes it really hard to sleep at night.

The sunscreen company my husband is a part of is really amazing and I am proud to be part of the family..I have been working hard to update their site and I cannot wait for it to launch. The old site: Vertra.com has been sooooo boring and we have had it on the under construction page for years now!!!! We are finally going to have it facelifted and it's beautiful! Thank you to our friend Bobby who has always given me the opportunity to test my web skill and use my brain to learn new things...my husband always thinks that's what I studied in school but it isn't..I found a love for it when I had to do a final project that included something we hadn't learned in class..and my choice was web designing/code..and I am stilla newbie but I love learning and it's made me feel very happy and alive. Something I have been missing in a long time. Years, maybe

I hope that someday I have more things to post about..and eventually be able to post more outfit pics! All my clothes have been sad in my closet..my cutoff shorts collection, as huge as it may be, has been pretty much the only thing getting any wear these days. I miss wearing things but they still don't fit right on me..10 more pounds 10 more pounds..=) And I really need my hair to grow back so I can feel more feminine. I've had to shave it and hope that this has been my LAST time I do that. I like the completely bald look with bangs but once it grows out, it looks awful and then I have that middle stage that lasts forever. For those of you who don't know me, I have really really really bad OCD. I've had them since I was little but never knew it..I have bad anxiety as well..and as I've gotten older and become a parent, I think my body changed and it's gotten worse..I've bitten my nails a lot worse than I have ever done my whole life..and I hadn't pulled my hair out since I was in intermediate and it suddenly started..I have a OCD called trichotillomania. Knowing that I am not the only one living with this is comforting..but I am trying as hard as I can to stop..that was the whole reason I first shaved my hair off..to stop..That was last father's day. I have since shaved it 4 times..a few weeks ago was HOPEFULLY the last time..I am determined to wear a hat or beanie or wig or scarf until it grows to a decent length. I've got a million headbands waiting to be worn and I only get to use them with my wig but it's so damned hot here so sometimes I can't stand wearing the wig..but I am totally sick of looking like a boy!!!! HAHAHHA excuse the little life story there..I thought I would finally write down what I was going through..in case anyone out there has to deal with the same things......I am hoping that these new project I'm taking on will help restore my inner self and help me to stop with my extremes..I wished I were emotionally and mentally stronger it isn't easy..=) big hugs to anyone out there with these issues. I totally understand.....XOXO!

Beach, Food, Friends

2011-04-04T10:57:00.004-10:00

I have suffered from some crazy sinus infection or eye infection for a month or more..the doctor finally gave me antibiotics..she thought I had a bad allergy but it really was something..my eyes were swollen like I got punched in the face and would bee stuck shut from the gunk every morning. I had styes in both eyes and the last one had three in one eyelid. It was awful and I am finally getting better. My eyes are not so swollen but my sinuses are still a mess..I feel like it kicked the bacteria out of my eyes and into my chest..coughing for days and mucus is horrible and I STILL CANNOT BREATHE OR TASTE things!
not even close to how bad my eyes WERE..this is after I started the antibiotics..

Beach beach beach. The kids would be happy to play in water on the lanai for all they care..but getting them out of the house is key and they have the best time at the beach. Only on these days do I actually realize how lucky we are here..as much as it's hard to survive with the high cost of living and low pay, it's beautiful and while we are here we might as well enjoy the beauty.

I made brown spanish rice with fat-free re-fried beans for dinner the other night..and "ground" tofu to add to it. Was trying to find something to make for dinner with what I had in the kitchen and not leave my house. It came out pretty yummy..=)

Last night was Fresh Market at Fresh Cafe. It was really fun..the kids had a blast and of course they had many aunties and uncles to keep them happy. Z ate more than I ever seen him eat and he was so hungry he was angry waiting for his grass-fed angus burger that took forever..but it was worth the wait. He seriously waited in the front waiting for his burger to be cooked..poor guy! There was an amazing eggs benedict with asparagus..OMG yummm and I am not much of an egg person either!

Aloha for Japan is still going strong. Many local banks and companies are jumping on to help support the campaign. So proud of what hubs and his friends are doing!!!!

Dinner Tool

2011-03-22T10:26:00.002-10:00

So I got an email from Nicole @ Dinner Tool and it was the best email ever..asking if I could link pages. OMFG that website is pretty damned amazing and I am so happy that I got that email. Not because of linking sites, but more because it is one more site that I have to visit daily about food and food ideas! Everyday I look for something new to make or more ideas about dinners..and I used to watch food network everyday but I haven't been watching tv much lately, so I have been running out of ideas on what I feel like cooking!

Thank you for finding me because I am now a happy cook!

Bread Bread Bread

2011-03-21T20:07:00.003-10:00

I have been making a lot of bread lately and I think I've perfected the ciabatta bread! The last time I made it is became super soft and even the second day it was so soft I was so happy!

I have tried the honey whole wheat bread but I've made it twice now with different recipes and both times, I think it needed to be better..so off to the kitchen it goes..because I am not happy with the finished product!

We did make pizza the other night..it was nice to try my own crust. It came out really yummy and I am now on the quest to find a recipe that will make a thinner crispier crust. This one came out slightly chewy even though I rolled it out thin. But it tasted yummy..I just wanted a crispier one. Z helped me make the pizza and roll out the dough. It was so cute.

I wanted to thank weelicious for me winning the BIALETTI Aeternum pan!! I threw out all my non-stick pans because of how unsafe/unhealthy they can be and mine were all scratched up. I am so happy and excited to use this pan that is safer! It came in the mail and I was so excited I have never won anything so it was like christmas!!!! And getting cooking things is what makes me extra psyched!!!

thank you again!!!!!!

my boys...they are amazing..i wish they wouldn't grow so fast

The Little We Can Do to Help

2011-03-14T21:08:00.002-10:00

My husband's shop and a few other shops are working together to make a shirt to help those in Japan who suffered the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. It is so tragic and we wish there was more that we could do but we don't know what. So they decided to make a shirt and donate all profits to American Red Cross Japan.

Please help support this cause if you can!
here is their story

ALOHA FOR JAPAN

March 11, 2011

Hawaii’s based GRP HOME CO. has gotten together to raise money for our friends and family in Japan. The ALOHA FOR JAPAN Tshirt will be available at these local retailers in Hawaii and is set to release on Monday March 14 2011. The retail price for this Tshirt will be 20.00 and all profits will be donated towards the Red Cross. Available in Mens Sizes.

Available at the following locations
BUTI-GROOVE HAWAII
500 Piikoi Street
Honolulu, HI 96814
808-589-2884

FITTED HAWAII
1438 Kona St. #B
Honolulu, HI 96814
808-942-3100

IN4MATION WARD WAREHOUSE
1050 Ala Moana Blvd.
Honolulu, HI 968`4
808-597-1447

BAREFOOT LEAGUE
880 Kapahulu Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96816
808-734-0200

Lets help our friends and family in Asia in this great time of need.

Aloha for Japan

Beach Days are Here

2011-03-01T13:40:00.004-10:00

This past weekend we went to the beach and it was really fun. As much as I hate being sandy and dirty and salty, I love how beautiful it is at the beach and the water is clear and it makes me smile. R loves it so much he just charges the ocean even if it's too deep! Crazy! Z on the other hand, is cautious and stays close to shore and loves to walls on the sand and make little pools. I am not obsessed with the ocean and want to take R there all the time. Free fun and gets the energy out. He's a bundle of energy I don't know what to do with him most of the time. I am trying my hardest to save money and not spend anything..times are extremely tough right now financially..it's the most stressful time in my life. I am back to my 18 year old days of having a roommate and only being able to eat pasta noodles with parm cheese and quesadillas..but it's not so bad because I love those things but health wise, i don't think it's all that healthy! HAHAHAHA I hope we can look back on these times and be grateful for everything else!

MY friend who got married and R at Lanikai beach

An old girlfriend of mine got married and it was probably the best wedding I've ever been to. I love them and am so happy for her. She is probably one of the few (and I mean FEW) actually best girl friends I know and even when I don't talk to her or see her for a really long time, we still pick up exactly as if time had never passed. I miss having my best girlfriends to hang out with..I only have 1 (maybe 2) here and the other few live in other states. That makes me really sad but we all grow up! LOL

Z, the ultimate photographer

first time we have a picture with all of us together!!!

My everyday life has been stressful and not. I feel like I'm in a funk that I can't get out of. A part of me dislikes myself. The outside and inside. I know that knowing is half the battle, but I don't know how to fix it or change myself to make myself a better person so I can actually like myself...=( SAVE ME

Exhausted

2011-02-15T19:44:00.004-10:00

Hubs went to Japan for 8 days and I have felt like I never got any rest..I am so tired that I am catching a cold..or have some sort of horrible sinus infection..whatever it is it doesn't feel good..sore throat, headache, body aches, and plugged nose and spitting out chunky stuff that is occasionally red..=( BOOOOOOOOOOOOO he just got home today which makes me feel a little relief that I won't be scrambling around trying to get everything done..I don't know how single mothers do it. I give them all the credit for managing on their own..including my own mom until I was bigger..=) I am starting to believe all the talk about once you are 30 everything is downhill..it's coming true!!! Between my knee being in pain, my eye that supposedly has a stye that seems to NOT go away for weeks now, sinus problems, and anxiety...could any more things be happening to my body at one time!??!?!?!?

I swear, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was grow up and be on my own. Now that I am older I wish I could be a kid again and not have the daily stress about money and life! I am so tired of living every month stressing out about bills and hoping we have enough to cover everything..not that we don't have a great life..we do. It's just tiring trying to make ends meet all the time. Complain complain complain LOL I have to vent somewhere right??!?!? LOL

Z has become an amazing human..his cast came off yesterday and he's just extra careful with his elbow hahaha....R is growing so fast it's scary and sad..I want him to be a little baby forever!!!!!

my stye eye =(

chili and garlic cheesy ciabatta from the previous post

No Stand Mixer Ciabatta Bread

2011-01-27T19:03:00.003-10:00

So I wanted to make bread for a while just haven't gotten around to it. I think I miss being at the bakery but I can't go back..not for a long time..the labor work is tough on the body and after the car accident, I don't know if my back will be happy with the heavy labor work at the bakery..

Anyway, I decided to make ciabatta bread so I can make sandwiches..only problem, they came out so yummy we have been ripping off pieces and eating them plain!!!!!! It was easy to make and I used my hands since I didn't have a stand mixer..and it came out yummy and chewy and just AWESOME!!

Slow Cooker Ribs

2011-01-26T15:22:00.004-10:00

I've been in and out of my cooking phases as of late..I feel lazy yet I feel like cooking. I'm not quite sure that makes any sense..but I just feel like I haven't got a clue what to cook sometimes and that makes it hard because without knowing what I feel like eating or making, what do i make!?!?!
I didn't feel like going to the market so I looking in my fridge and voila! there was frozen baby back ribs ready for the cooking!! I put it in the slow cooker and cooked it on high for 5 hours and by the time hubs got home, he was able to throw it on the grill for the last 30 minutes to have that lovely char!! It came out amazing and I don't even eat ribs..I had a bite and knew it was yummm...hubs was happy and so was I to have made something yummy without having to stop at the market YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zis becoming a big boy..and he's 70% of the time nice to his little brother hahaha..they were at the office and he was sharing R's cereal with him on the boxes..it was cute..poor guy fractured his elbow and is in a cast for 3 weeks..I swear he is just as clumsy as I am which scares me because I think we are in for many years of being in the hospital..he's already been in the emergency room 3 times and he's only 4..OMG!

Beautiful Roses

2011-01-21T11:56:00.004-10:00

The other week we went to our friend's son's spreading of his ashes..it was sad but beautiful. Heartbreaking. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child. I don't know if I could ever recover. But their family never ceases to amaze me. They stand together holding tight and strong and somehow I always feel admiration for them. Always have and this only makes me admire them more.

Things on the homefront have been a lot better...I feel like the clouds are lifting and I can breathe a little easier for some reason. Moneywise, not so much, but family wise, yes, I feel like I can breathe and not feel so claustrophobic. Maybe it's my meds actually taking effect and helping me for once, or my hubs somehow being a lot more awesome than he's been..or a combo of both..but I see rays of light for the first time in a long time..=)

this was the rose petals that were spread on the ocean at the ash scattering..it was beautiful..a beautiful morning..very fitting for Isaiah..you will be remembered..

photo taken from S.D. of S.D.

Growth

2011-01-06T22:18:00.002-10:00

As time passes, sometimes I wonder if people don't have at least 1 thing they do together all the time, will they grow into completely different people in the end? I know they say you need to grow together..change together..so I wonder if there is an exception to that rule. There usually isn't an EXCEPTION..but when I become more reclusive and homey..and my other half still remains social and wanting to be out there in the crowd, what will happen in the end? Sometimes I think it is possible that things won't matter..but I can't help but feel the sadness and feelings like I have nothing and no one when the other half of us has the total opposite life..it makes me feel like I'm lesser and missing something that I don't have..not sure if that makes any sense. I have goals in my head, thinking of my future..focusing on things I need to do to survive and keep life afloat and being a mother.....that in itself takes up all my time. But my other half is doing just that, but doing it while continuing his own life a part of work and part of just himself....I feel like I'm lame and such a loser for having nothing outside of my home and future aspirations.....i really have no close friends who actually live here..aside from 1 whom I hardly see these days with conflicting schedules of parenthood on both sides..I'm a far cry from having a life like my other half.....and I don't think I want to either..but it makes me feel like the road we are both on are going to lead us to two completely different endings..maybe i'm just being my anxiety crazed self overthinking it and making myself sink in a black hole of mental crazy. But I needed to just get this out of my head so I can sleep....UGH

Lovebug

2011-01-06T10:47:00.001-10:00

yesterday was little love's first birthday..it's so hard to imagine how much he's grown. A part of me wants him to stay this cute innocent baby, but the other part is happy to see how smart he is! Oh if only we could keep him small hahaha

happy birthday little love!

My Heart is Hurting

2011-01-05T08:20:00.003-10:00

Last night I found out a good friend of mines son passed away. I don't know the details only that he is now gone and it hurts my heart hearing that...I cannot fathom how painful it must be...no parent should ever have to live to see a child go before them. What a strange way to start the new year....today is Rocket's birthday and it's bittersweet knowing this sad news

My heart is aching

photo via howtolivewithgrief.com

make this feeling go away please

2010-12-29T19:46:00.002-10:00

I feel lost. I feel like I'm sinking in a hole and sometimes it's worse than others..today is one of them. I am trying to figure out what I would like to study if I get the chance to go back to school and the people who know me well know me..and have the best opinions for me. I thank you to my friends..the ones who have the best intentions and best advice..I take it to heart. Then there are others who choose to make me feel like I'm not doing anything or trying hard..Maybe the intentions are not meant to make me feel this way but it does..especially coming from people who don't really know me well. I'm hurt but I really shouldn't feel that way..I know, yet I can't get that feeling out of me...I hope in the morning I will feel better and not cry. People judge me or think I do nothing..or think I'm only on the computer talking to people..I do none of those things..I don't even talk to anyone or look at people's pages on facebook..the only time I comment is if I see it in my news feed in the front page when I log on to play my farming games LOL..I don't spend hours on the computer looking at pictures or pages..so please stop assuming I'm facebooking all day long..thank you. It really offends me and if it was a joke, please don't joke, unless you are someone who knows me well....and I know well..

Ok, enough venting..I need to just make the clouds part and be able to see the sun again......SAVE ME

Having Fun Getting Dressed

2010-11-26T15:42:00.002-10:00

Lately I have been dressing a lot more girly..I think it has a lot to do with my bald head It makes me feel very butchy or boyish so I try to put on something that is feminine or just a clip in my hair to make me feel a touch girly..I want my hair to grow out but I like it short too so i'm at a loss at which one I really want. But I totally want to make my hair like the girl in Die Antwoord..it's amazing!!! I should have kept shaving only my sides and it might be halfway there by now..too late now since I shaved it butI'm keeping the top and will continue shaving the sides to get that mullet-like look =) she looks awesome with her back hair tied up in a ponytail =)

die antwoord pics from their facebook site

shirt- marc by marc jacobs, shorts- siwy, shoes - minnetonka

The Swing of Things

2010-11-17T10:55:00.003-10:00

Can't seem to get into the swing of things at ALLLLLL..not just with this blog but with everything in life..I feel like I'm in a place where I am lost in the haze and can't get out. Even my emotions are all over. My mom came to visit for 2 weeks and just went back home so I've been a little depressed. The mental part of me that always treats change in life like a death in the family as my therapist says...I would rather my mind not let myself feel that way but I swear no matter what I do or meds I take I am still that way....I need to find something to do with myself as well...As tradgic things happen in life around me, I am starting to feel that urgency to get my act together and find a way to make a living outside my family so I can support us all if anything were to happen to my hubs...trying to not think negative but we need to prepare ourselves for the unthinkable in that just in case moment.

I'd love to go back to school but to study what, I have no clue..I just don't know how I can do it with kids, no sitter, and not wanting to take out a loan for the schooling either...GRRRRRR

I love my head shaved but at the same time I miss having hair and feeling more feminine...I ended up getting a wig to see how it looked and I LOVE it..just like how I had my hair just longer..but it's HOT to wear something on my head..

Z has developed into a growing boy who loves football more than ever..and the band..and he even wanted to be a football player for halloween..hahaha

Sasha enjoying the car ride

Yan and Soc cooked us authentic chinese food

shirt- Hellz Bellz

REPEAT

2010-09-22T12:33:00.005-10:00

I think for a while, we were on a major enchilada/burrito phase..or maybe *I* was..HAHAHA I am officially on a diet so they are no longer something I plan to make often..but since I hadn't posted in a while, I had old pictures of stuff I made with leftovers..

I made a crockpot pork with beans..not pork & beans..it was more like a pork with beans haha it came out really really yummy..it almost looked like a chili..but not

After, with the leftovers, I used it to make enchiladas..it was YUMMMMMMMM

and for more randomness, here is an old photo of okra that I love..my mom used to make it for us when we were little and I still love it..I could eat it with rice for lunch and dinner..but of course, I can't and it's not like its cheap either!!!! I got a small bag at the farmer's market for $2..which is enough for one person or 2 people sharing if it's just a small side dish.

Not sure if any of you ever make turkey legs but a friend of mine showed me how a long time ago and it's one of the EASIEST and best things to make for dinner..and after it bakes, you use the dripping for the gravy..

My fave cafe to eat at..and have coffee at is FRESH CAFE..it's so awesome and the place is so cute..the food is TDF! Seriously, all I want to do is eat their food..here are two of the sandwiches we've been eating..

Turkey Pesto

Veggie

And we HAVE to welcome our newly adopted SASHA..we got her from Pawprints Rescue shelter and she's amazing..and awesome! Totally the perfect size and once she gets over her shyness, she will be such a fun outdoor dog to go to the beach and hiking with! Ichi actually likes her which is not always easy because he's like a grumpy old man but he gets along with her and I can see them being really good friends once they get to know each other well..

My hair is growing out..and I am in the turmoil of wanting to shave it again or wishing it was long..hahaha..not sure..I am also back and forth on whether I want to dye it back to brown once the roots get really long again or continue to bleach it while it's still short..I love the color and know it is only going to be cute while it's short..but then I will have a lot more hair that is damaged...what to do what to do!!!!!

scarf - In4mation sunglasses - Leonard

Lazy Beach Days and My Boys

2010-08-04T16:27:00.003-10:00

There has been a lot of beach going lately..especially because it's summer and it's really hot. It is really hard for all of us to be able to go into the water together like we used to since one of us has always got to be with R on the beach while the other is in the water with Z...but it's still fun and I can't wait until R is bigger so he can play too...

Z is really into taking pictures and he uses my old camera to take pictures of his friends and his bowling set..he LOVES to play bowling..OMG =) He also likes to copy me and make faces that I make it's hilarious!

I have been making a lot of burritos lately..just simple ones with black beans, cheese, chicken, whole wheat tortilla, and hot sauce..it's so simple but soooo yummy!!!! I'm NEVER going to lose the last 15 lbs of baby weight and it's killing me =( Sorry, I meant to take a picture after it was done cooking but we ate it too fast! HAHAHA

Hair is growing out to this crazy mid stage that I do not like..it is getting a little longer so i can actually put a scarf on it and make it lay flatter...but I can't wait til it grows another inch so I can actually have it lay flat and look like a boy cut =)

The boys..My little peanut and lovebug..=)

Empanadas and Beaches..

2010-07-16T19:33:00.003-10:00

I am really loving the buzzed hair..and Apricot Tea told me it's called the Chelsea Haircut..because I left the bangs..I have dyed it blonde..like platinum blonde today but I think I want to dye it back to brown.I'm not sure if I actually like it it's soooo drastic and I don't like people looking at me so this is totally opposite of that and I'm not liking that!!! But I feel like I put my scalp through hell today that I should just keep it until it grows out and I can buzz it off or it will have been for nothing..UGH decisions..not good for indecisive people like me!

I made empanadas for hubby the other day and it came out amazing...just need to make the dough thinner and it would be perfect!!! Wished I had gotten a pic of it when I cut it open..sorry I forgot!

Z has been playing with his friends at the beach afterschool and he has so much fun....I sliced my fingers on the immersion blender so thank goodness for my friend Lisa or I wouldn't be able to take him because I can't get my hand wet!!!

Anyway, sorry so short but I am having the hardest time typing with my fingers up in peace sign position..=(

first day

second day

third day

yes, I have toy story band aids on!

Birthday Summer

2010-07-04T11:56:00.002-10:00

We've been having hectic weekends lately because Z has all his classmates birthday's to attend..on top of having uncle Keith's bday last night..Z has had a lot of cake which is his favorite..=)

I've been trying to take Z out to get his energy spent but it also makes me extra tired!!!! Z has found he loves the beach more than ever and loves making everyone laugh..I think he's going to be an entertainer when he grows up...

Last night we had the best food ever..I swear, everytime we have BBQs, Todd's food gets better and better...i don't know how much better it can get!!! He made his famous oven fried chicken (sorry I forgot to take a picture of the final product) and his boneless kalbi, which I was stoked about because I can actually EAT it..usually it has bones and I don't like the texture of the chewy fat and stuff so I never eat..I'm not big on meat in the first place so it makes it more yucky to have stuff that is chewy!! But this time it was boneless and it was yummy!!!!!

We got Liliha Bakery chantilly cake for Keith's bday and it is the best ever! I could eat it all by myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Bday Keith!

Z trying to blow out Keith's candles!!!!

Boys Rule

2010-06-22T15:54:00.003-10:00

I always thought I wanted a girl but I am so happy that I have 2 boys who are so awesome. They are so funny in their own way and they look so different yet still look like brothers.

A friend at work got a new puppy, following the tragedy of her last puppy, this one I hope will bring her new memories that will help ease some of the pain from the loss...and he's so adorable..nameless, but adorable!!!! He is just a litle ball of fluff and has that sweet puppy smell..reminds me of R who has this intoxicating baby smell that I can't get enough of =)

My birthday was yesterday and it was a mellow one..I am not much for doing things on my bday..it is just another day..but my co-workers bought me a cake and hubs and Z also bought me a half cake since they know I am trying to lose weight! LOL

I did end up getting rid of all my hair and I don't mourn the loss!! I thought I would hate it and I dont..I actually love it and love the way it feels to be hair free..now if only it would grow an inch, then I don't have to cover it with a scarf anymore and I can dye it blonde!!! I cant wait!!!

Sorry that my posts are so ALL OVER THE PLACE..somehow mu mind can't seem to focus on anything these days and I seem to write/type as my mind is going!

I WANT THE BALD!

2010-06-15T19:51:00.002-10:00

I have been toying with the idea of going bald for a month or maybe two months.. I CANNOT remember when I first thought I wanted to but I am so sick of my nasty hair..I know it took me 4 years to get it this long but I cannot stand it and it's always tangled no matter how many times I go in to get it trimmed and I have hair falling all over the place on top of the loss of pregnancy hormones which is making me lose it at an even faster rate..it's disgusting..

Anyway, I saw a picture of Agyness Deyn with her hair bald and she bleached the short hairs..she managed to look super cute even bald by wearing girly clothing with her manly head of non-hair..I sooo want to do it but she can totally pull it off because she is so damned gorgeous..gorgeous people can pretty much pull off anything because their face is so beautiful that it doesn't matter..but I so want to do it..what I am worried about is looking like a chemo-patient and having people ask me that question or making my husband embarassed by having such an ugly boy-ish looking wife standing next to him..I don't know if I can handle wearing a hat or scarf on my head for months until it grows to a length in which I can style it a little..

I will keep pondering..but I am closer and closer to that side of the baldness........hmmmm what to do..decisions decisions...

WOULD *YOU* rock the baldness???

Photo by Christopher Peterson/BuzzFoto.com

First Night Out

2010-05-15T10:28:00.003-10:00

We got a sitter from a friend..she lent us hers LOL so we had her come over and watch the sleeping boys so we could go out for a few hours..it was interesting..I think I've become a hermit and I like to stay home and sleep and relax..and play with my fake farm and fishes LOL

But I did go and it was nice to see friends and talk stories..it was nice because it wasn't crowded and it was just our friends so it was just good fun and trying to set up Uncle Ryan with some girl =)

Anyway, I have been hiding out becuase I still can't stand looking in the mirror and hate having extra weight on and makes me just not want to go ANYWHERE! Sorry I'm rambling but it's not easy when you can't fit anything! Hence the reason I haven't posted any outfits..I can't fit my clothes!!!!

Overall, it was a good night and too bad I didn't get drunk hahaha but someone has to be the responsible one and drive the hubs home =)

jeans- j brand, tank and flannel - F21, shoes- vintage

GORGEOUS!

2010-04-28T19:08:00.004-10:00

So I haven't been posting much but I came across this picture of Nikki Taylor and how AMAZING she looks post baby..she doesn't look like she's had 3 children!!! And omg her kids are GORGEOUS! Her teenage boys are beautiful!! LADYKILLERS..

I know I know random post but I just had to post it because I couldn't get over it!

images via PEOPLE

Alot to Lose

2010-03-03T10:48:00.002-10:00

I've been walking everyday..well every weekday for a few weeks now..about 2 miles but I still have 25 pounds to lose..that task is very tough and I struggle with any extra weight and self-image to begin with so it sucks...nothing fits right and I can't post or wear any of my clothes yet....until I lose it all again..LOL

Until then, Z is the best big brother and R has been such a cute little monkey..and I found the Tummy Tub is the best invention yet..why is America always so late on everything?? This thing has been popular for babies in Europe for years!!

Never Good With Change

2010-02-23T18:33:00.003-10:00

I've never been good with change. My docor told me the way I describe how I'm feeling is like any change is like a death in the family. Like I'm mourning a loss. And being post partum has not helped. They say I mayhav baby blues. And though I may have that, I'm ok. I just miss my mom. She came when R was a week old for ten days When hubby had to fly for work. I loved the time I had with her since it's been years since I've spent a lot of quality time likethat. When she left I cried for days. Then she got to come back a week later since hubb was goin to begone two more times. So she stayed for three weeks. In that time she helped me out so muh and kept me company when normall I'd be home alone with R all day until z and hubs came home. So it was nice to have someone to talk to and go walking with and cook and hang out with. She left last nigt and I'm in tears again. Everything I see she did or left reminds me of her and makes me cry. I am lonely and I know it will pass but right now I'm sad and miss having my mom who became my friend.

Sorry to post such an emo post but I needed to let it out. It doesn't help I am having sleepless nights and days since R is reusing to sleep lately.

Little Peanut

2010-01-29T11:16:00.001-10:00

This is why I've been so busy!! I promise I'll start posting again soon!!

Couple More Weeks Left

2009-12-29T15:01:00.003-10:00

I have been the worst slacker..hubby reminded me today that I haven't posted on my blog in a long time..I just have been so miserable and uncomfortable to take photos of food and I haven't been cooking much which sucks..UGH.Sorry to complain. I can't wait for this kid to come out so I can get back to trying to exercise and fit my clothes again and start posting outfits and cooking more food. I am 37 weeks and I keep hoping he will come out today maybe today maybe today..that's what I say every morning..who wants to listen to a preggo lady whine? LOL

Anyway, since I have no pics, thought I'd share my fat belly and some random things:

Thanksgiving Dinner @ Our House

37 Weeks

skirt- Rock & Republic, tank- C&C California

Z at the beach watching waves...

Slacking but I DO Have an Excuse..Sort Of

2009-11-18T18:45:00.002-10:00

So I am another month between posts and I am just the laziest human ever..I don't know why I can't post new pics more often since I am home most of the time lately. I've just been absolutely miserable and HUMONGOUS that I don't have anymore clothes that fit me!! I swear if I find something to wear I am happy!! I miss wearing my clothes and jeans and just dressing in clothing other than my shorts and tank..I swear I have swollen ankles already as they have disappeared!! I HAVE CANKLES!! And I've just gotten wide..I'm sad..=(

I HAVE been cooking somewhat..I made corn chowder and this pork loin for hubby but I forgot to take a pic.

We had a night where we went to hubby's friend's bar where they make awesome pizzas...V-Lounge near Ala Moana..it was yummy....

I have so many things I am eyeing out that I wish I could buy but I cannot buy anything since I don't know what size I need for after the baby and it's not like I have any money to spare on excess!! LOL

We have been going to football games when it's at home because Z is absolutely obsessed with them..we can't even leave early even when I feel terrible because he has to stay until the end..he is hilarious and cheers them on and says, "DEFENSE!"

jeans- F21, shoes- steve madden, tank- C&C California, cardigan- UO

Almost a Month Already?

2009-10-12T16:12:00.002-10:00

My goodness, I cannot believe I have slacked off this badly. I haven't posted in almost a month...I feel super busy but not super busy..not sure if that makes any sense. I think it was mainly because hubby was busy opening up the new store and there were many late nights with Z there running around. I should have taken more pics. Then the weather has been miserable that I don't want to do anything. Today was nice because it was overcast and cool. The temp was 73 degrees on our side of town and it was nice with the fan on. Almost felt like winter..but not!

We have been eating a lot of noodles since it's Z's fave. I finally started eating the broccoli sundried tomato fusilli again and I forgot how much I LOVE IT!!

Hopefully I can get back to posting more often..I really am a slacker and I don't know why since I'm home most of the time! LOL

I have posted a pic of an amazing sunset we had on saturday..we were at the football game and it was beautiful and RED! I wished I could have gotten a better photo!!

Good Eats and Gifts

2009-09-15T12:53:00.005-10:00

My sister had me run to Shirokiya to grab the castella cake from the Kyushu fair before it was done so I could mail it to her. It is the most expensive castella I've ever seen and I was quite skeptical as whether it would be worth the $30. She offered to buy me one so I did..and OMG..it is the BEST THING EVER!!!!!! I am so sad that I can't afford to buy 10 of them and freeze them!!!

I think this weekend was filled with lots of great food!! WAY too much for my fat tummy..We drove all the way out to wahiawa to grab meat jun and kimbap from Dong Yang. I forgot to take a photo of the meat jun but I did grab the last photo of the kimbap before I ate it all!!

J & B were visiting our side of the island so they invited us over for bubbles outside with C and dinner courtesy of B's mom..she makes the best food!!! She made this amazing pork chop that I know hubs would be in love with so I think I need to get in the kitchen and start trying to remake it!!!

MissLawn and Bamski were visiting as well..and I am so sad we didn't get to see them but hubs had lunch with them and she gave him a gift for me..it is the sickest little present ever!!!!!! I just wish I could wear it EVERYDAY..but I think I would tarnish it hhahaaha Thank you L & B!!!

OH! Thought I'd ad a outfit photo today..because it was SOOOO funny Z loves running in the camera when he hears the timer and today he was in just his undies so this is a hilarious photo..sorry the pics suck, I haven't found a good place and good lighting for the outfit photos..

EDIT: had to crop out Z frmo this pic cause I was informed some creeps were stealing the pics and linking it to some creepy website =(

shirt- Hellz Bellz, shorts- Siwy, shoes - MIA

Tiramisu!

2009-09-10T13:24:00.002-10:00

Yesterday I took Z to Kahala Mall for the first time in at least a month. Everytime I went there I'd get super sick from all the smells of the food in the indoor mall so I had to stop taking him. But now that I am no longer sick, I thought we'd give it a try. He had so much fun running around he didn't want to leave. Of course, whenever he goes we have to eat at CPK so we went for his usual noodles..and got him a vanilla ice cream for dessert. I had dessert only and it was DELICIOUS!! I ordered the tiramisu and ate the WHOLE thing!!

On another note, living on the east side/windward side isn't so bad...it's actually pretty relaxing and even though it's still hot, it's 5-10 degrees cooler here than in town..just need to get used to the drive. But hubby took a photo of the beautiful morning light the other morning...amazing!!

Exploring the Neighborhood

2009-08-27T12:55:00.004-10:00

A few days ago Z and went for a walk to Windward Mall since it is right around the corner from our house now. It was really hot but good for us to get outside. He had a blast at the Thinker Toys..much nicer and emptier than Kahala that's for sure. The house is slowly coming along..so many things to take care of and get organized..lots of building of shelves to fit everything we have in the closets and getting lamps and lights and fixing toilets! LOL

We also walked to a nearby restaurant for dinner. There are so many little places to eat here we're so excited to try them all...We went to Kikuya and it was AMAZING! The food was awesome and it made me happy to find someplace really good to eat on the first try. Sorry the pics suck..I forgot to take pics before we started eating I was so hungry! LOL

For dindin last night, I made turkey chili..something I threw together a while back and turned out amazing so I made it again yesterday and was so happy it turned out well...best one yet!!

shorts- Siwy, shirt- Nation LTD, sunnies- Leonard

Lots of Cooking!

2009-08-21T20:23:00.003-10:00

So we have been so busy this past week moving to our new home..but now that we've got most of the stuff settled in, I have spent some time cooking and it's nice to actually have a real stove with an oven. Our last 2 homes have had either no kitchen or just a stovetop and no oven. I finally made my spinach lasagna for the first time in a few years..can't remember why I stopped making it. It was the best ever..in my opinion HAHAHA..Also made some pork tofu the other night. It was nice and light and perfect for dinner on a hot day where you don't want to feel so overly full. That meal is the perfect combo because I'm not much of a meat eater so I eat most of the tofu and veggies and hubby eats most of the pork LOL

Sorry the pics are not so great..trying to figure out where the best place is to take pics in this house.

Gender and Gyozas

2009-08-10T18:05:00.005-10:00

The other day I made my tofu gyoza that my mom used to make for me when I was a kid. I haven't made it in over 6 months..I don't know why we haven't eaten it in so long. I think we were eating it every week for a while and got sick of it. I forgot how much I loved it until I made it again. I swear I ate 10 or 15 for dinner LOL.

Today we went to the Fetal Diagnostic Center to check up on the baby and also find out what we were having!!! Z and hubs were sitting in the waiting room and he insisted daddy sit on the little people chairs LOL. It was super funny. Anyway, we found out Z is having a little brother and it will be wild in our house with all boys!!! Exciting...

before cooking:

After cooked:

Dinner:

Coin Machines

2009-08-06T12:21:00.003-10:00

Yesterday, K and K wanted to go to the aquarium so they picked us up and took us..it was fun..all 30 minutes! LOL It's hard to find things for the kids to do for long hours..$6 for 30 minutes..guess that was ok. Z was facinated by the coin machine. The one that you put the penny in and it flattens it out and makes a print on it? Anyway..he kept trying to turn it even when it was done. He didn't even want to penny he just wanted to play with the machine.

I got these sandals from revolve for dirt cheap but I am still debating if I need them..especially because they come up to my ankles and I hate my ankles..I feel like I have cankles! Anyway..I think I will keep. =) Sorry for the hair..Just took a shower about to take Z to the zoo for the day.

shirt- T by Alexander Wang, shorts- Siwy, sandals- MIA

Yay For Food!

2009-08-04T19:15:00.003-10:00

So the other morning, I made fried rice for Z because we were stuck at home all day and had to make do with what we had in the fridge. I have been starting to chop carrots really tiny and pre-boiling them so that I can add them to these sorts of foods..that way it adds a lot of extra color and a little more nutrition for Z and he can't even taste it..

Tonight I decided to make kalua cabbage with rice for dinner. I know hubby loves it and I just like the cabbage part with rice LOL. It's funny how much the veggies shrink..I took a pic of the pot when I put in all the cabbage and then after it was done cooking. Half gone! LOL

Oh! I was so happy that I finally found a pair of capris that actually fits my growing belly..the rise is so low that it is button-able without being sizes too big LOL!! So happy..so I wore it today!

top- Joie, jeans- R&R, scarf- mom's

Slowly Trying to Get Back Into The Kitchen

2009-07-31T11:48:00.002-10:00

I swear, poor hubby hasn't had decent dinner in 2 months..I haven't been able to cook because the smells make me want to throw up..

I started cooking a little at a time sometimes having to wear a mask so I don't smell things. The other night I made him the spicy korean beef soup because he was sick. And I felt like eating pasta salad so I went and bought the ingredients and made it. It was so yummy and light and refreshing. I love cold pasta salad!!!!

On another note, the weather here has been insanely hot. I think every year, it gets worse and worse. It's hot and humid...and being over 90 degrees is crazy!!! There is no relaxing and you can't even sit in the shade without dying of humidity!! UGH!!!

Has It Been That Long?

2009-07-27T14:09:00.002-10:00

OMG..I didn't even realize that it has almost been a month since my last post!! I'm so sorry!! I have been plagued with random things..and being sick and now Z and hubby are sick!! I've grown so much that it scares me..I'm so huge I look like I'm 5-6 months preggo and I'm only almost 4!!! I'm afraid to see what will happen at 7 months!! It may NEVER go back!!!! I don't know what is going on because I'm still the same weight but bigger all around..I feel like it may be a girl at how WIDE I've gotten. With Z, I wasn't wide..it was all in front so from the back you couldn't even tell I was pregnant even at 7 months! But this one, I've LOST my waistline and I'm just wider everywhere and I've got bigger lovehandles on my waist! YUCK! Anyway..couple more weeks til we find out what it is...but in the meantime, last night I felt like making a cake and the cake mixes were on sale so I made a yellow cake with chocolate pudding and whipped cream..that's the best without frosting..light and yummy..but I forgot to take a pic of the final product so you only get a pic of the chocolate pudding..heeehee

jeans- F21, shirt- Nation LTD, scarf- UO

Fireworks and Gelato

2009-06-29T16:50:00.003-10:00

On friday, we decided to take Z to see the weekly fireworks as we promised months and months ago we would take him again and then I got sick and haven't been able to do anything..but since I was feeling a little better I thought it would be a nice treat to take him out of the house..He loves the fireworks and then of course, has to stop at the gelato spot and sit on the grass watching the water fountain..wished I took a picture because he ate a lot of strawberry gelato! LOL

It's funny, as cheesy as waikiki is, it is still pretty cool to go once in a while..and it's nice to see visitors enjoying it because it is a nice place to visit..it makes me really smile everytime I go to the friday fireworks because so many people show up on the beach just to see it for the 5 minutes...amazing!

shirt-F21, skirt- Charlotte, vest- Sass & Bide, headband- ASOS

RIP

2009-06-25T14:07:00.002-10:00

Today was very sad..so many people passed...RIP to everyone who did, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson

Especially MJ.....his music will be missed..definitely the King of Pop forever..no more thriller..=(

First Outing

2009-06-22T12:42:00.005-10:00

Yesterday was Father's Day, our 3rd wedding anniversary, and my bday and thankfully, I felt normal enough to go out to the father's day concert at Sea Life Park. It was beautiful..and I was glad to be out of the house..I am still having a hard time wearing anything fitting on my belly as the pressure makes me queasy for some reason..so I had to wear a loose dress that I hadn't worn in years..since Z was born! We had a good dinner at CPK and then it was too much for me and I had to sleep..my body wasn't ready for all the craziness..but this morning I woke up and felt the most normal I have in a month.so I am hoping this is a sign that things are going to get better soon!! =)

Oh! I am sad I forgot to take pics of our food..since this was the first time in a long time I actually ordered something different..I was craving ceasar salad so I eat that for dinner instead of my usualy chopped salad! =) Next time..

dress- C&C California, tank and headband- F21, belt- gift from the Clothes Horse

Trying on Clothes

2009-06-19T16:57:00.003-10:00

Today is the first day in almost a month that I felt strong enough to actually put on something OTHER than my PJs..I haven't left the house in weeks..just about 4 times for the doctor or one trip to the grocery store that made me wish I stayed home...I keep hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will wake up one morning and be totally nausea free and able to enjoy life..I am starting to get a little depressed from being stuck at home everyday and being sick and feeling like throwing up. My poor hubby has been working and cleaning and trying to do everything with Z I feel bad..I keep hoping I'll be better by father's day..which is also my bday and our 3rd anniversary! I CANNOT BE SICK! PLEASE!!

Anyway, since I wasn't stuck to the bed or sofa today, I decided to look through my closet and see what I felt like putting on just for fun..at least while I can still fit everything I would love to be able to get to wear things before I get too big....thankfully, my belly may be getting bigger even though I've lost weight, I can still fit my clothes and they are loose! =) I put on my lovely pair of Siwys, which I love but haven't even gotten to use them much and I can't wait to get better and wear them out at least 1 more time before I get fat =)

Sorry for the bad pic..the camera is in the car and I am in my house..hence, stuck using the camera on my computer..sorry!

jeans- Siwy, shirt- F21

Coma Please

2009-06-09T18:57:00.002-10:00

I have been sick for 3 weeks now...for 1 week I was sick with the wrst flu ever..then the morning sickness kicked in so severe that I was throwing up and could not even get out of bed. Doc says I have hyperemesis gravidarum or severe morning sickness and all the remedies, including meds, have not worked...its been a battle of forcing myself to drink gatorade all day and trying to eat as gross as it makes me feel s I don't throw up...so far I haven't thrown up in over a week but the constant seasick feeling will not go away and I have been stuck at home losing it. I keep hoping that one day I will wake up and feel completely better but that day hasn't come. I would love to be in a induced coma until that day comes but that's impossible..my self pity is lame and I apologize to you readers but I needed an outlet somewhere since I think poor hubby is losing it himself having to do everything in the house...I hope to get better soon so that I can get back to enjoying food and wearing clothes while they still fit me!! Xoxo

Lack of Posts

2009-05-25T20:12:00.004-10:00

I apologize for the lack of posts lately..I've been so busy with work, planning
Z's bday party, and being plagued with the flu and now sick from the
antibiotics and puking..I just have no had time to get on the internet much..
I will definitely get back on as soon as I recover!!! =)

5.27.09
Wanted to update since a few people asked if I was ok, I'm doing horrible but hopefully this passes...we found out we are having another baby so I've got the worst case of morning sickness ever..completely bedridden and sick...it never ends! Hahaha

Lots of Pumpkin Goodies

2009-05-14T17:19:00.002-10:00

My coworkers found a recipe and wanted to test it out and I tried it at home but altered it to make it my own..at first, I made the cookies as it was meant to be..but the texture seemed more cake-like, so I took the remaining batter, added a few dashes of milk and egg and made it into a muffin..I must say, the cookies were good..but the muffins were even better!!! So yay! I am taking them to work tomorrow to see which they like and then they can use my muffin creation at work if they like it!! WAHOO

Spicy Spicy Spicy!

2009-05-03T10:40:00.002-10:00

The other night, I made a spicy tofu dish to eat with rice because I got a whole bunch of tofu from work. They always throw it away when they get the new batch and it JUST expires from the SELL BY date..which it isn't spoiled but he rather use the new one so he lets us take them home..pretty awesome. I made this tofu thing that was super yummy and could be eaten with rice but we ended up eating just plain...This morning I made kimchee fried rice with the left overs and it was soo yummy!! Thank goodness L is a friend of mine..she teaches me all these korean dishes..=)

Ichiriki Hot Pot Goodness!

2009-04-27T14:55:00.003-10:00

On Saturday, a bunch of friends got together and celebrated hubby's bday with a dindin at Ichiriki..it's one of our fave hotpot places and it was soooo fun and EXTRA yummy!!! Z had a blast with all his favorite uncles and running around..I wish I had a picture of the shave ice that we had but we ate it so fast we couldn't take a pic! LOL

On a side note..one of my fave bloggers, "R" of The Clothes Horse, sent me a box and it was soooo cute..it made me feel guilty that I had only sent her a few tasty treats when she went out and got me amazing FINDS!!!!!! She also made me one of her amazing doodles that I am obsessed with...R is the best..thank you so much!!!

jeans- Siwy, shirt- BDG, scarf- Missoni (from The Clothes Horse) <3!!!

Birthday Ideas

2009-04-22T18:12:00.001-10:00

Hubby's bday is tomorrow and we have no plans..we are REALLYREALLY low-key people who don't even exchange gifts..so we would most likely just go out to eat dinner as a fam, but is there anything other than dinner that is nice to do????? LOL Ideas are always welcome =)

shorts & shirt- F21

Tired!

2009-04-21T17:41:00.003-10:00

I haven't posted in a few because I have been extremely tired lately. I have no idea why...maybe all the lack of sleep the last month has caught up with me..I'm not sure..on sunday, I slept over 12 hours..which was a first for me and I felt absolutely refreshed when I woke up..but then monday came, back to the waking up at 3am routine and then it's just been downhill HAHAHA...so sorry for the lack of food posts!!!

This was my outfit on saturday...we just went to the mall with Z and played with the fishes...got in trouble from the security telling us not to feed them the fish food..it wasn't even ours!!! Some guy with his kid across the way gave it to us and we got in trouble hahaha

jumper- F21, vest- Sass & Bide, headband- ASOS

Love Spaghetti

2009-04-16T11:50:00.003-10:00

Hubby loves meat sauce spaghetti so I made him some the other night..I used my flat leaf parsley that I was growing for the garlic bread!!!! and just because I love pasta so much, I'm making another spaghetti dinner tonight..one that I use for regular Hambaguu bentos..but cutting it up and putting it in spaghetti sauce..I really do love pasta a lot..you can tell by my tubbiness LOL

The wierd weather is still hanging around and is making me feel funky..I feel lazy and just want to sleep all day long...I dread the 3am alarm when I have to go to work but I really do love my job..isn't that funny? I sometimes wonder if I love it because it's just something I can do for myself away from home..which I haven't done in years so it makes me happy hahaha

shorts- F21, shirt- Hellz, shoes- UO

Gloomy Day With Acid Wash

2009-04-08T14:44:00.003-10:00

Today was really ugly..and the rain was on and off all day. I could see it come and go while I was at work..but at least the rain stopped enough for Z to go to the park when I got home. I was so tired and really wanted to just sleep after I took a shower, but I felt bad the he hasn't been able to play much because I've been too tired..so I sucked it up and took him to the park..he had a lot of fun on his play date with L, Y, & H...it's amazing to see him growing and now wanting to play with other kids..before he didn't seem to care as much..

jeans and shirt- F21, belt- UO

Black & White & Friday Fireworks

2009-04-07T16:32:00.002-10:00

This past friday, we took Z to see the fireworks in Waikiki as promised...he is really into fireworks lately..he's so funny. We went to see it and it was sooo pretty...and he cried when it was over. But it was short lived as soon as we sat down at the pool area to get drinks at the bar, he got excited because there was live music and a lot of space to run like a madman.

I've been feeling really boring lately..I think it's because I am always so tired from work that one my days off I just want to do nothing and not get dressed!! Today was one of those days...since all we had to do was go on a grocery run, I felt like having no color in my outfit..I usually have plain white shirts and jeans, but I like to have bright colors at least on my shirt..but today, I chose just black and white...

jeans- Jbrand, shirt- Hellz, headband- F21

In Lust

2009-04-04T16:13:00.001-10:00

I am drooling over these...$775 and there is just NO way I can have them on my feet!!! A girl can only dream =)

Out With the Stitches

2009-04-02T15:38:00.002-10:00

Today, I had to take Z to the doctors to get his stitches out. It was sooooo traumatizing..I cannot believe he had to go through that. The ER doc had made the stitches too tiny so it was really hard to get them out and his cut was bleeding and he kept saying owwwww I felt so bad..but once it was over he was such a trooper..he had to get some sterstrips on his cut because some parts had started to bleed.. I had to get him his fave french fries and vanilla milkshake. I really think that kids should not have to go through those things until they are bigger and can understand what is going on...makes you feel so helpless when you can't do anything while they cry for you...

super casual- shorts- True Religion, tank- F21, headband- ASOS

Spending the Day at the ER SUCKS!

2009-03-27T13:44:00.004-10:00

Yesterday, we were on the way to take hubby to work when Z ran down the stairs chasing after daddy and fell head first..he got a gash above his eyebrow and we had to take him to the hospital. The worst thing was that the hospitals were all CLOSED! We had to drive out to a farther hospital emergency room and it was so crowded..it took them almost 2 hours just to check his vitals and then another 3 hours to get the stitches done! It was seriously crazy! Luckily, Z was a good sport and just played the whole time but I cannot believe hospitals actually close on holidays! Z was such a trooper..he only screamed when they were working on his cut...people kept staring at him because he had this huge gash on his face and he was playing and happy like nothing happened..HAHAHA

SIDE NOTE!!! If anyone is interested, 20% off at American Apparel online! use code MISSYOU09 until the end of the month..=)

playing magician!

laughing at videos of himself:

on my way to friend's house..it's cold out!

leggings & arm warmers- F21, sweater- ASOS, shirt- Hellz

Fun Times, New Job

2009-03-23T12:27:00.002-10:00

I wanted to post pics of this past weekend..since I did end up going out and having fun for the few hours we had a sitter..it was nice to see old friends out that I haven't seen in a while because I never go out..not just old friends..but old homies/family/THE FAM..I miss them.

Today was my first day on the job at Great Harvest Bread Co. I've always wanted to work in the kitchen but never had any restaurant experience so I didn't think I would get this baker position..AND I never thought I would bake in HIGH VOLUME! OMG..my feet, back, legs, arms are all aching and feel like jello. I was seriously working out for 7 hours..who needs a gym when you lift 50lb bags of flour and 60 pound piles of dough! But it was so much fun and definitely HARD work. Constant moving and no resting for a full 7 hours! And I am sooo not a morning person and I had to be there at 4am which was crazy but I could totally get the hang of it. It was really funny because she called me in and said she wanted me to come in for a hands-on interview and it really meant work and see if it worked for both me and them LOL! I really did have fun and got to actually learn how to make all sorts of breads! Anyway, just thought I would share since it is really nice to have something that I get to do outside the home for 3 days of the week..=) I am posting pics of 2 of the loaves I took home today..the Asiago/Olive one is my fave!

Hubby decided to make crazy faces when for once, I actually decided NOT to make faces! BOOO!

Asiago/Olive

Cinnamon Chip:

Can you believe they were going to throw away this little bit of dough? It was too small to make a full loaf so they were going to throw it away so they said I could knead it and roll it to a small one and take it home when it was done!

Going to The Shack

2009-03-21T19:22:00.003-10:00

Hubby is hosting some surf movie premier tonight at The Shack in Waikiki and so we found a friend who could watch Z for a few hours so I can go with..I am sitting at home trying to figure out if my fave find of vintage oxfords will go with my outfit..it's been driving me crazy and I know I wear mismatchy stuff sometimes and I feel like they don't belong together and I say screw it who cares hahhaa..but anyway, it's rare I go anywhere so I want to be comfy but not TOOOOOO comfy that I look like I'm in PJs hahaha..anyway..hopefully it won't be a wierd party and just lots of fun =) This has been a very strange week..anyone else feel like that?

shoes- vintage oxfords, shirt & tights- ASOS, shorts- True Religion

Cloudy Weather and Being Sick

2009-03-17T14:19:00.002-10:00

I feel like I'm getting sick. I have had the worst allergies for the last few days and then this morning I felt like a trainwreck. My nose was plugged and I had a sore throat and when I coughed, it was yellow! Ugh..the sinuses are making my head hurt. But I have no fever..go figure. Anyway..the weather is really ugly and humid today so I just took Z and went to costco to get our fill of a few necessities. O left this morning and now the house is sooooo quiet..it's really kind of lonely and sad without that energy she brings HAHAHA

shirt- Hysteric Glamour, shorts- Siwy, shoes- Minnetonka, headband- ASOS

Island Drives

2009-03-16T13:59:00.003-10:00

The sun came out on O's last few days here so we took her on the drive around the island. We packed a bunch of onigiri and cupcakes and head out for the day. She loves the ume and spam ones so I made those with some salmon ones for Z. The beach turned out to be cold since the clouds decided to cover the sky when we got there! Z had fun throwing all of O's pumpkin seeds in the sand. On the way home we stopped at the Dole Cannery so she could get her pineapple whip. She says there are only 3 places in the world that you can get it and HI was 1 of the 3. She had the 2nd in disneyland so she wanted to say she had at least eaten 2 out of 3. It was a really nice day and so glad the sun came out before she left.

Visitors and DinDin!

2009-03-12T20:54:00.005-10:00

My old friend who I used to work with in NY (who now lives in SF) came to visit me and stay at our house for 5 days..she graced us with AWESOME cooking..Mexican cooking!!!! It was sooo amazingly yummy and so easy to make and fast!! It was yummmmmmm and it helps she is a comedian as well. She said it was called calavacitas and it was the best thing ever..i have to make it every week for a year I think! =)

sorry I couldn't get a better picture of the final product but it was impossible to get one without everything falling out! But trust me, it was delish!

Hot Weather is Coming Back...

2009-03-10T10:53:00.002-10:00

Oh, the warm humid weather is returning..well at least for a day. We are slowly getting winds again which is nice..I am not a fan of the hot weather and its funny because I live here and have most of my life..save a year or so..but I never liked the humidity..I think I am getting island fever and need to get off the rock for a bit..I would love to move somewhere for a year or so but that is impossible for now....oh the near future..

I made Giada's champagne risotto and it was sooo yummy. Well, actually, hubby made it for me because I didn't feel like cooking last night!

shirt- In4mation, shorts- True Religion, shoes- Steve Madden, headband- some feathered string attached to shorts

sorry for the mess in the background...hubby needs to put away his clothes!

Seinfeld Reunite!

2009-03-06T19:30:00.003-10:00

I read this today and it made me really happy.

"The Seinfeld cast is making another must-see appearance. EW has learned exclusively that the four stars of NBC's long-running comedy -- Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, and Michael Richards -- will be featured in a multiple-episode story arc on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm this fall. The cameos will mark the first time that all four actors have appeared together in a scripted TV show since Seinfeld went off the air nearly 11 years ago. No date has been set for this event, or for Curb's seventh season, which will run for 10 weeks. Curb, of course, was created by and stars Larry David, the cocreator of Seinfeld.

The episodes, which are currently shooting in Los Angeles, appear to represent a continuation of David's relationship with the Seinfeld stars. As Curb fans know, Seinfeld, Louis-Dreyfus, and Alexander have made individual appearances on the award-winning series over the years."

I LOVE seinfeld..even to this day, when I catch a rerun, even if I've already seen it a zillion times, I still watch it and laugh. I was actually really late in watching it. My mom took away cable when I was in 9th grade saying it was bad for me so she cut the cable! I think it was because I was watching too many music videos on MTV and had totally tuned into a ska-punk chick that she didn't like it..but that def didn't stop me! HAHAHA..anyway I missed the whole era of seinfeld and friends. I remember everyone in school talking about the shows and how funny they were but I never knew what it was because I didn't have TV! Anyway, when I was 19, a friend taped a bunch of episodes for me and gave it to me to watch..it was my favorite video ever and since then I was hooked..I lived on my own and had cable and would watch as many as I could since they would play back to back episodes every night..it is really sad that there aren't many funny sitcoms on tv anymore..it's all reality shows =(

I am definitely going to watch curb your enthusiasm when it comes on..soooo excited!!

On the food note, last night I made this amazing pasta that was sooo yummy!! I just kind of threw things together and jazzed up a pre-made sauce with a bunch of stuff and made my own garlic bread..soo yummmmmmmm I could eat it every night! =)

Mall Rats

2009-03-04T14:40:00.006-10:00

We went to Ala Moana for the second time this week. Sometimes there is more fun there then there is to actually go to a kids place. (Although we hardly have any kids play places here!) Z loves to run around and throw coins in the water with the taro plants, run up the escalators and stop at Panya to eat their sweet bread. He loves that place. Luckily, my old friend wasn't working so I didn't have to have another one of those awkward moments. It's not that I'm not glad to see these people, it's just too much anxiety to feel uncomfortable wondering what I should talk about. HAHAHA

This weekend, my little attempt to be a plant grower is succeeding!! So far, the basil and thyme or rosemary (can't figure out which because they seem to have moved from where I planted in the pot) are sprouting! The chinese parsley hasn't yet done anything but I am so happy! I swear, I look at them 10 times a day! YAY!!!!

pants- ASOS, shirt- Nation LTD, scarf- In4mation, headband- F21, shoes- UO

I love my harem pants because they are so comfy, but I feel I look like a balloon...Oh well, I like them anyway so screw it!

Monday Again

2009-03-02T12:54:00.004-10:00

It's a new week..and mondays are always pretty lazy because the Discovery Center is closed on mondays so that leaves us to troll the mall for a few hours. Z doesn't like to shop at all so he has me walking around in circles in the mall going up and down elevators and escalators and feeding the coins to the poor fishes in the ponds. Sometimes I want to stop in and look at things but he won't allow it so I guess that is best for my wallet! =)

On another note, today I ran into an old friend who I used to see out all the time. He was working at our favorite bread/bakery in the mall. I haven't seen him in over 4 years and I found myself feeling very awkward, trying to find words to say. I feel like as I get older, I become more and more like a hermit and keep to myself and my tiny circle of friends that I have nothing to say to people in the past. Not that I don't care, but I just have nothing to say to connect anymore. I have always been shy and had bad anxiety but only realized it more as I get older. I always thought that as I got older I would grow out of those moments and yet I know now that those feelings have grown more intense...strange.

jeans- Diesel, shirt & headband- F21, shoes- Steve Madden

Hello, Pretties!

2009-02-28T09:51:00.006-10:00

I know I say this over and over again but I can't help it. I LOVE heels and though I rarely get to wear them or even own any because of the lack of use, I love them and love looking at them. They are so pretty! Anyway, here are a few eye candy for you and myself..I continue to drool..

Also a little peek at the lunch I made for hubby and friend yesterday..the asparagus came out AMAZING!

A friend of mine shoed me a picture of this and this must be the prettiest flat shoes ever!! I MUST HAVE NOW! but at a price tag of over $600 I can only drool:

Flats I WANT:

3 colors that I love equally!

Windy, Chilly, Sunny

2009-02-26T13:34:00.004-10:00

It has been really really amazing the last few days. It has gotten increasingly windy everyday and cooler by the minute. It is a nice refreshing change from our normal humid, hot weather. I took Z to the park today and the mall yesterday. He has so much fun just running up and down the stairs and riding the elevators and escalators. The recession is definitely in effect as the mall was really quiet. Although January and February months are usually slow months for retail..but it was definitely empty everywhere. It made for good times for Z as he had the run of the mall all day long.

Slowly realizing, as I post my outfits, that my closet is overrun by Jbrand jeans...

jeans- jbrand, shoes- UO, shirt- In4mation, jacket- Hellz, headband- F21

Cloudy Park Days and Bentos

2009-02-24T15:10:00.003-10:00

It has been lovely since we got home. I know it's not vacation weather for visitors but it is nice and cool for us local residents for sure! It has been cloudy and in the 70s which makes for nice park weather! We got us some pots and soil to try our hand at herbs in the house and then stopped off at the park. Z had a good time chasing all the birds around.

I made hubby and his friend bentos today again. It was the same lemon chicken with this pickled cucumer sesame thing and kinpira gobo..that is my favorite food of all time..

jeans- siwy, shirt- F21, headband- AA, shoes- UO

I Wish This Were Another Color

2009-02-22T11:34:00.002-10:00

I am completely in love with this thing..but orange is not my color..If it were black or white or red or something else I would totally be all over this!!! I don't know why I love it so much..I don't even know if it would look good on me but I love the way it looks! ACK! Sometimes I wonder if my parents or older people wonder why we are in the future yet people like me still like to take parts of the past and rock them in the present...I always think they must be thinking "I used to wear that when I was younger...why are they still wearing them now?" hahaha but I love it!

taken from lacedwithromance on ebay

Last Day in Vegas..

2009-02-20T14:31:00.003-10:00

Today was a beautiful day again. Maybe slightly warmer than yesterday but less sun. It was warm enough to not wear a coat. We walked to the park again and threw rocks up the slide and stopped at In-n-Out burger for the last time. Wished there was one at home. I'm going to miss the cool weather here but looking forward to getting home. I am not looking forward to the humid weather but it will be nice to see our dog again and have my morning coffee that I make every morning. I just hate going on the airplane. Z loves it and I hate it. It's really funny to think I was a flight attendant years ago..I could never do that lifestyle again.

edit: looking at this photo, I realize I def need to exercise more and lose 10 pounds..I can see the love handles at my sides..yuck...my apologies!

leggings- AA, shirt- T by Alexander Wang, headband- F21

Drinking is Bad, Beautiful Weather, and Cops..

2009-02-19T17:32:00.005-10:00

Drinking is bad:
Last night was one of those nights..the wildin out kind of night where you get so wasted you don't even remember getting home. I feel bad because I actually threw up which I never ever do. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I have ever puked from drinking my whole life. And it HAD to be while Im staying with parents and mom picked us up and I throw up out her window!!! How embarrassing. I didn't even know I was that drunk until we left the club and it was silent then I was like WHOA...But I HAD to go out. This is probably the one time I've had fun with hubby in years..since Z was born. We have no one to help watch him at home so we never get to do anything together. My old friend I used to fly with came in to town on a layover and wanted to meet up too so that was how it got so crazy.
I'm super sad that I made holes in my tights..these are my fave..that's what having too much to drink will do to you.

Beautiful weather:
Waking up hung over was not fun. But it turned out to be a nice sunny day here and 60 degrees which made for lovely weather! We took Z to the park to play and he had so much fun. It is amazing how many nice parks there are here. At home we hardly have any cool parks to go to.

jeans- jbrand, shoes- havaianas, shirt & scarf - in4mation, jacket- hellz

Cops:
So after dinner, we are all relaxing and I kept hearing knocking sounds coming from my paren't room but I didn't know how that would be since everything is fenced off and the only door on that side is in the garage. Finally I heard it again and the cats all came flying out of their room and looking in that direction so I told mom and she went to look. Turns out there was a strange guy in the yard and wanting to come in the house! He had climbed over the wall and was knocking on the back window. He had a handcuff on and kept saying someone was trying to kidnap him and he got away and he wanted to come in and please call the cops. Anyway, it took FOREVER for them to send someone and they came and said he was high on something but took him out in handcuffs and we have no idea what happened to him. They had a firetruck and ambulance and all sorts of stuff in front of our house as they talked to the neighbors..I am just a little weirded out because I watch too many crime shows so you can never tell what is happening!! Anyway..at least the cops came and gave Z a fabulous light show outside. I laughed and told my parents now their neighborhood looks like a crime area..HAHAH =)

Wynn & Encore

2009-02-16T14:58:00.003-10:00

Today we had to do something indoors because it was raining here and FREEZING! We decided to take Z to the new Encore hotel and walk through Wynn and then through to Fashion Show Mall. It was really fun. Z loves to just run around and look at lights and colors so the hotels were perfect for him. The colors in there were beautiful. We ended up eating at the same place we ALWAYS eat! CPK! Ordered the same foods..nothing changes I guess..My mom had some asparagus spinach spaghetti which was really yummy. It was a cold day but super fun and it is very funny to think that there is a "recession" yet it was still very very crowded everywhere.
Please excuse the boots..it was the only pair I have with me so I'm stuck wearing them everyday. I had a pair waiting for me here that I was hoping to wear but they turned out too big so I am now stuck wearing these everyday..

jeans- jbrand, shoes, minnetonka, shirt- T by Alexander Wang, jacket- H&M

grandma's asparagus & spinach spaghetti

Drastic Change of Temperature

2009-02-13T16:17:00.003-10:00

We flew in to Vegas the other night for hubby's work next week so we got here and are staying with family. We do this every year and it's usually easy but Z is handling the change a little differently this year. Maybe he's just getting older and knowing what he likes and doesn't like..he wishes he were home. But he is still managing to find things to do that he likes. Its just going to take a few more days to get used to. We walked to the park this afternoon and he had fun on the slides. He saw dandelions for the first time and was so happy to see them blow away. It is freezing cold here. For us, coming from 80 degree weather to 40 degree weather in the day and 30 at night is COLD! My hands felt like they couldn't move from being so numb. I love cold but I need to get used to it again. My mom wanted to go to in-n-out burger after the park and so we got fries and burgers..yummmm!!!!!

edit: I've had a few people ask me about my scarf..there are actually only 2 made. The one I have and the same one but in a pinkish-purple. Which I have as well. It was part of the In4mation women's line that got cut so it never got made. So if I happen to find some secret random one laying around that never knew was made, Ill let you ladies know! =) XOXO

shirt- in4mation, jacket- hellz bellz, scarf- in4mation, leggings- la made, shoes- minnetonka

Z Loves to Eat the Same Thing Everytime

2009-02-11T16:22:00.003-10:00

Z really loves CPK. And he's just like me, we don't try new things. I like trying new foods but if it's just us, then I always end up ordering the same food because I know it tastes good and I can't go wrong there. I like when I eat with others because then we all try different things and get to sample everything. Z is the same. He always wants the buttered fusili pasta and coloring with the crayons. I swear, whenever we are at Kahala, he runs to the restaurant and says "MUM MUM!" "NOOOKNOWS!" I am surprised I actually remembered to take pictures of the food before it was all gone!

Weddings..

2009-02-09T09:50:00.004-10:00

I do not like public events...I have the worst anxiety..but we had to go to a friend's wedding last night and it was nice and mellow and beautiful. I never have any really nice things to wear to weddings but thankfully it's a "local" wedding so it's not black tie style. I don't have nice heels to wear so I stuck to flats which is better than open sandals I guess. Z had a lot of fun with all the aunties and uncles and playing with rocks all night long..thank goodness for free drinks! I wished we could have had a chance to get a family pic but if anyone has kids, you find that there are rarely times you have anymore pictures of you and other half together anymore...it's always one and the kid..LOL

the wedding

dress- twelfth st cynthia vincent, cardigan- UO, tights- f21, shoes- lanvin, headband- AA

Chanel & Balenciaga & Life Changes

2009-02-06T12:29:00.007-10:00

I had a zillion errands to run this morning and calls to make! UGH..sudden changes in our lives have caused us to re-evaluate our lifestyle so I had to make a few calls and see if we could do something about it. I also decided to apply to a few school so that I can continue my education and DO something in the future =) It's been a long time since I've been to school....but any start is better than none..

shirt, leggings, headband - F21

Oh these are my 2 personal favorites and I have to let them go for personal reasons..hardest thing EVER!
if anyone is interested, send me an email for more pics etc etc

vintage chanel as seen on ashlee simpson:

2005 balenciaga black city:

BOTH BAGS HAVE BEEN SOLD! THANK YOU!

Curry for Cool Nights

2009-02-06T10:14:00.002-10:00

One of the easiest things to make is japanese curry. No, I didn't make the entire thing from scratch. I would like to learn but for now, I just use the little box that Glico makes..it's so yummy and super fast to make. Hubby likes meat in his curry so I cut up a few pieces of steak and cooked it with onions, potatoes and carrots and then the curry. It was so yummy! Of all curries, I really lke japanese curry the best. It makes for great leftovers for tomorrow and bento boxes =)

Lovely Winter Weather!

2009-02-04T14:45:00.003-10:00

The last few days have been really nice. Actually, the last week or two has been really nice. It's been 70 degrees during the day and chilly at night and I am a happy girl! I love it when it's not hot. We can actually go walking and not be all sticky and sweaty. I would love it if it was like this everyday but I guess that wouldn't be fun for the visitors from out of state who come to enjoy the warm sunny weather and beaches and come to find it chilly..can't have everything we want I guess..

Today was a relaxing day..we went to the mall and got some sweet bread from Panya and sat on the seats watching the birds. Had playdate with L & Y and then picked up H at school and went to the market and got things for dinner and came home...Z is really enjoying his new toy we got him. He won't put down his little ipod to go to sleep! The first day he got it, he stayed up until 3am!

jeans- j brand, shirt- F21, headband- AA

BJ Penn UFC Fight Night

2009-02-01T11:32:00.003-10:00

So last night hubby ordered the BJ Penn UFC fight on HD and all the usual suspects came over to eat and drink. It was great fun for Z as he got to hang with the boys and eat edamame beans I made. Everyone brought something to eat..the pizza from Antonio's was amazing and so was the meat that T made on the grill outside. There was a lot of food and WAY too much poke to be consumed but the night was super fun..too bad BJ lost..would have definintely made the night. =(

DDD Obsession

2009-01-29T18:23:00.003-10:00

I LOVE the Food Network. I have watched it for years..like over 10 years now. But only lately have I been MORE into cooking than ever before. I think it has something to do with me being a stay at home mommy..Lots of time at home to watch food shows! I really like Diners Drive-ins & Dives. I always get great ideas and inspirations from the foods I see on the show. There is always a lot of variety at all the places he goes to see and it makes me want to make foods that I have seen. Last night I tried making this mexican thing I saw on an episode recently called Carne Adovado. It was really easy to make and my hubby loved it. It was surprisingly light and tasty.

Changing Clothes at Home?

2009-01-28T13:08:00.005-10:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who changes out of my clothes as soon as I get home and get back into my PJs. I always do this and then redress when I leave the house again. When I think about it, it sounds wierd but I can't help it. I really like to be extra comfy while I'm in my house and just relax. I don't know how many times I redress when I leave the house as I leave the house a few times a day...Am I the only one who does this?

Anyway, I love my ombre shirt..it was super cheap since I got it at F21..but it is much nicer to have a shirt like this sometimes than a plain white shirt which I tend to grab when on the go..I love J Brand jeans..it's been a staple in my closet for the last few years but they have changed a little..even though they are the same cut/style the older washes and older years were made better..the bottoms were much slimmer and the new ones are not the same..the ones I have on are a newer black and I have an older one as well. This new one is looser on the hem while the older one was much tighter at the ankles which I love. Maybe I'm the only one who notices...hmmmm

shirt- F21, jeans- J Brand, shoes- not sure..got them from piperlime

Lemon Chicken Bento

2009-01-27T15:27:00.002-10:00

So I've been super into making my hubby bento for work..It is so fun and it makes me happy I have no idea why. I'm so glad he's now liking taking food from home instead of eating all those nasty plate lunches outside everyday =)

I made some lemon/shoyu pan fried chicken bites that I tweaked to make my own way from its original recipe on justbento and this japanese cucumber pickled thing that my mom used to make for me and it's another one of my favorite side dishes that I can eat all by itself. Added some rice with sesame seeds and a few grapes for something sweet =) The chicken is by far my favorite ever and even hubby said it was probably the best chicken he's ever eaten! YAY!

Homecoming Dinner

2009-01-25T22:43:00.002-10:00

So hubby comes home tonight from SD and we wanted to make him something yummy for dindin. I decided to try making meat jun which is some sort of marinated thinly sliced meat in egg and then pan fried. My korean friend told me that it isn't even a korean dish..it must be a local Hawaii thing..but even her husband loves it! It's really very easy and it came out really yummy. Too bad it's cold now because his flight got delayed and he won't be home until almost midnight. Z was waiting all day for his DADA! Anyway, I thought I'd post a pic of what I made..I made a side of this japanese spinach that my mom used to make for me all the time with sesame seeds..it's so yummy sometimes I eat just that for dinner =)

Noodles for Days

2009-01-24T18:17:00.004-10:00

Z is absolutely obsessed with noodles..pasta noodles. He loves them plain with nothing on it but butter..he is a funny little man. His favorite place to eat is California Pizza Kitchen. Everytime he sees the restaurant at Kahala Mall, he says, "MUM MUM!" and we end up eating there. He always wants the same thing, Buttered Fusili and I always get the same thing too..the original chopped salad with no meat and substitute avocado please! He gets the obsessed-I-can-eat-the-same-food-everyday thing from me, I think..poor guy. So, anyway, no surprise, we ate lunch 2 days in a row with "L" and we got the same food 2 days in a row..HAHAHA..Anyway, this was his leftovers which was nicely packed away in a little container for him for later..AND his gummy bears which he loves equally as much.

jeans- true religion, shirt- nation ltd
1 of 2 fave rigid jeans..i do not like rigid jeans but this one is probably the only one next to my DUC sammys..

Sugar Cookie Sprinkles!

2009-01-23T15:49:00.002-10:00

We still have so much sugar cookie stuff from holiday time so I decided to make some for some friends last night to cheer up little Z. He loves helping to put the sprinkles on the icing so I let him help me..it made a huge mess all over the place but it cheered him up so that was all that mattered!! =)

boring outfit: shirt- BGD, jeans- J Brand, shoes- chucks

Feels Like We Are Always at the Doctors

2009-01-22T13:57:00.003-10:00

Z has been really sick for the last 3 days and I finally had to take him to the doctors..after waiting for almost 2 hours, we got to see her and she tells us that he has a virus but to let him wait it out and hope he gets over it over the weekend..I swear, since we had Z we have been to more doctors than I've been my whole life..I hate going to the doctor. After that we went to costco for some groceries and then stopped for their pizzas as Z calls them PAPAI!

shirt- forever21, jeans- hysteric glamour

I Missed An Amazing Deal Today!

2009-01-21T18:56:00.003-10:00

See what happens when I actually have something to do..Neiman's is having their 40% off sale and I decided to lighten my hair a little today because I was bored of the red I had dyed it..I missed the Stella McCartney Booties..$174!! UGH..not that I would get any use out of them..but I would have loved to have them for a special occasion where we actually went out whenever we are on a trip...oh well..better for my wallet =) There are still some amazing deals ladies!! GO GET SOMETHING!

On another note, have you ever tried to grow out your bangs but ended up chopping them JUST when you almost have it long enough to put behind your ears? I had attempted to grow them out for months and they were almost that long but not quite and I was losing it because I couldn't see and it was always in my face..so I grabbed the scissors and chopped them..I loved them for a minute..now I wish I hadn't because I have to wait forever until they grow back again!!!

Cold Sunday Morning

2009-01-18T10:16:00.003-10:00

Woke up this morning and it was freezing..I love it when it's cold..and no, it isn't cold like most places. But for here, waking up to 70 degrees is freezing hahaha. I had to put socks on this morning! For breakfast, I made miso soup and rice..nice and light and WARM! I added some little carrots which I never do but I am trying to get Z to eat more veggies so this was one way to sneak it in.

Wish I Were a Heels Girl But I'll Stick to Flats

2009-01-16T10:15:00.003-10:00

I really love heels..the look of them..but I can't wear them here. People will just think I'm going out somewhere. I stick to flats and yet, even when I wear sandals I still feel like I'm dressing more than I need to..it's pretty laid back where I live..and when people see others dressed up, the thought is, "Where is SHE going" LOL
Anyway, this is my outfit for the day..nothing special. We had to run errands and have a playdate with L & Y

jeans- siwy, shirt- in4mation, shoes- steve madden, headband- AA