Saturday, May 16, 2015

Nail Biters

Biting my nails has been a habit since I was a kid. Anxiety. Stress. Boredom. Life in Itself has me biting it til there is only a nub. A lot of it has to do with some wierd quirk or OCD that I have. When I see the white part of my nail it starts to bother me. I like it short but my nail bed is so tiny that for it to be a decent size, half of it has to be white to get past my skin.

Anyway, once in a long time I will actually waste time going to a nail salon and get my nails done to stop myself from biting them when it gets really bad. Really bad means cracking corners or my fingers and pain so bad because he nail is so short it's showing the meat under the nail. Etc. I've done it a handful of times and it actually does work. But my OCD hates the way fake nails feel on my fingers, it absolutely drives me insane. Buuuut it does work and after a month or so I'll start picking it off and trying to let my real nails grow. As long as I constantly paint my nails and upkeep it myself, it will actually start growing. 

Eventually, something will come up and I will start biting it again. Usually it's because of a nail breaking and then my OCD kicks in and I want to rip it off and then I can't stand the other nails aren't the same size so then I continue until it's a mess again. Once it starts it's like a snowball effect and I can't stop. Or some stress in my life will be at an all time high and I end up biting them off again. 

Last year before my birthday, I wanted to stop biting my nails. It had been so bad over the years because of the marriage-divorce-move situation that I had bitten them to pain. But I always say, I'd rather bite my nails and have ugly fingers and pain than pull out my hair til I have to shave it bald again. I never want to have to shave my hea to stop pulling my hair out and make myself feel more self conscious again. Soooo I went and got my nails done and it worked! I stopped biting my nails after I took them off a month later. And it lasted 9 months. Even through the crazy transitions and long distance work commute all winter, I managed to keep my nails nice and cute. Then I started again at my workshop I was sent to for work. Three full days. 13 hours a day in a room full of strangers is one of the worst places you could stick me in. I had anxiety like no other and started biting my nails. At the end of the three days, I had bitten them so bad they were throbbing.

That was March 21, 2015 at the workshop.. And continued the downward spiral. 























Not having much time off to do anything other than work and kids, I drove around trying to find a nail place to do my nails again but decided it wasn't worth the money and time to sit and have it done again. I decided I would try it on my own. Devote a few weeks to constantly painting my tiny nubs of nails and swing if I could do it by sheer willpower.  Well it worked. April 15th I decided to paint them and see how well it would work. 



May 1st (2 weeks later)


Mind you it took painting every five days to keep myself from biting them but they are now growing healthy and need to be trimmed down again!  



Small accomplishments for most but a huge one for me! Yay!

don't mind the ugly half painted nail..this was taken today and I plan to paint them later =)


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