Saturday, April 6, 2019

The Science of Well Being

I have been reading a lot in those short moments where I need a break from work or daily mental crazy.  I choose the articles that pertain to my health and happiness.  I have always done that but stopped over the last few years.  I forgot to take the time even 5 minutes a day to read something or do something.   The most interesting for me was the article How To Tell If Someone Is Truly Smart Or Just Average. Reading how successful people are wired differently in their thought process. 

This reminded about The Science of Well Being and had been meaning to dive into it for a long time and forgot. 

In Week 1 she spoke about the G.I. Joe Fallacy - The mistaken idea that "knowing" is enough.  Merely knowing something is not enough to actually change your behavior.  "And if we really want to change our behavior, we have to change habits. We can't just learn the stuff."  I am loving this course so much.  I hope this sticks.

I am currently on week 2 of Rewirement.  Speaking about Savoring and Gratitude..just finishing up the first video and she talks about jobs and what people think makes them happy but no matter what the salary, when asked, people always seem to say they would need more to be comfortable be it someone who makes $30K or $100K.  "What we think we need actually jumps up every time we get more."  So true.  

Will try to update after every few weeks of the course but if I do not update (as I always forget and so much time passes before the next post), I will try to post once the 8 weeks are over and see what I took away from it.

Update on my 358 days of Self Care for 2019: I have done pretty good considering that I hadn't taken ANY time for myself in the last few years.   No, I haven't yet taken a trip for myself or done anything big but I have been trying to practice again or exercise or walk as often as possible.  I'm on day 47 of 358.  And considering I started 2nd week of January, that's not bad.  It's actually pretty good for me.  it's like half of the time that has already passed!  Be it my 10 mile speed walks or 5 minute yoga stretches to get my body from hurting, I have managed to log even the 5 minute as a win for the day because even a few minutes of movement means I did take the time for me.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

2019 Brings Big Changes Towards Amazing

There have been a lot of changes over the years.  Many of them were not for the good because of all the losses and how it affected how our everyday life had become.  From work to working out.. life has sure changed a lot over the last few years and I did not see how much it had been a rolling snowball until the end of 2018.

The pains in my body have been slowly showing its ugly head at least 7 years ago when I started running and yoga and spending time outdoors.  I had not thought much of it until it had been coming so often that I could barely walk a few years ago and the doctors kept saying to slow down and take it easy and stop doing everything for a while.  I had a hard time stopping with all the suggestions prior to that.  They told me stop running to let me feet and back heal but I wouldn't listen.  I stopped running for a while but then went even harder into other workouts which probably didn't help.  I know it didn't help.  If anyone knows me, they know that I do everything fully if I'm in it.  It was difficult.. until I could barely work because I couldn't walk or move easily.

I stopped all together..literally stopped everything and focused on work and home..little did I know that affects my anxiety because running, yoga and being out in nature was what kept me sane.  At the same time, we had a major loss and HUGE changes in the house which put me in a position of taking care of everyone here.. most people don't think about that as things are happening, we just go with the punches and keep moving ahead not thinking about the actual CHANGES that were happening and how it would affect a person who needs the peace and connection that exercise and nature brings.  Over the years, I forgot to take care of me and threw myself into what needed to be done to keep our heads out of water..little did I know it was a huge domino affect on my mental state.

I'm a workaholic.  Always have been.  It's a blessing and a curse.  Mat always says,  "Wow, your boss scored on you" LOL because I don't know how to STOP until everything is done.  That's just my nature with everything.  But it also meant I was working long hours and spending less time doing things with everyone.  I was working not just my job but the other jobs to help Mat and handle all our home finances.  There was never a break.  At the same time, I felt guilty for missing everything and not being there for just the small things.  All of this was causing a major domino affect on me..subconsciously.    I had no idea these were happening until the last month of 2018.  I started to really look at what our last 6 months have been like and it had been so full of WORK and we had missed so many spontaneous roadtrip weekends because we were so busy working.  We hadn't done much the last 6 months except work.  Yes, work had been busy and hectic and it was necessary, but we had also missed out on a lot of OUR time.  I looked back at what the last few years had been like and seeing the slow progression of changes and not all of them were good.

There were periods of months where anxiety would be so high that I would be sick or faint.  So many days I was shaking or almost passing out.  Dizzy and throwing up.  Those months would pass but return when I hadn't done a hike or road trip or when things had gotten so stressful and we were dealing with too much.  Note, the last half of 2018 did not have any of it..probably because I had no time to even think except work.  I love my job.. I just need to know how to work smarter.  Because I don't have just my one job.  I have the other job to work on Mat's stuff and then still work on our home stuff.. so in order to take care of all of that and make time for family and myself, I had to come up with some major changes. 

Since we had visitors staying with us all of December, I started to think about  the changes.  I had never had much time to do stuff when our family was visiting.  I made a point to close up and spend time.  I also started to see things and how what I was doing affected how everyone else was handling things as well.  Real eye opener.  I decided that after the new year, when everyone was gone and we were back to our normal home life, I would make major adjustments to how I worked so we could do more things and I would feel better inside too.  Jan 7th was the first day of the new plan.  I decided I would work earlier like I used to work at my other jobs...so I could be done earlier.  I promised myself I would do something for me everyday.  I had not done anything for myself in years..it was sad.  I had written it down in our work time capsule in Jan2018 that I would do one thing for myself at least once a year!  And I hadn't done it!  That was really sad.  So this year I made a promise to do that at least once a week if not once a day.  So, Jan 7, I decided to get out and walk.  I can't run anymore and it hurts to walk too but I knew if I didn't start, I wouldn't.  And I suffer daily from pain anyway, so why not at least walk...pain will be there but not as bad as running.  I walked 5 miles on day 1.  I have since done either Yoga stretches for my back and hamstrings, walk, or modified P90x everyday.  Leaving the 1 day rest day somewhere every week.  Today I went 6 miles and I have never felt more alive.  Feeling that old me inside..the one that gets slightly obsessive on goals LOL.  So, I am hoping that I can continue this.  I know 6 days a week of something might be a challenge in itself but I will do my best to see where I stand at the end of 2019.  Goal is to get back to the mountains at least twice a month...we have grand plans for 2019.. I can't wait to see what updates will happen on 2019 recap in 2020! LOL

Saturday, September 1, 2018

When Will the Days Stop Melding Into the Next?

This summer, we had so many plans.  By plans, I mean PLANS.  We had ideas of road tripping to Alaska and then staying for a few weeks out there bringing our work with us so we could explore.   We also had a backup plan that would be driving aimlessly across the country this summer for a few weeks because we didn't have to cram everything in on a weekend. We had so many plans to see many parks and waterfalls and we didn't get to do any of it.

Work has been hectic and busy..I've been pulling long hours working for my normal job and then working on Mat's projects which makes the work week over 115 hours a week.  I just realized that in the shower when I broke it down that with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week not including commute time and cleaning and kids stuff we were down to less than 3 hours of sleep a day if we got that many.  I'm so exhausted.  Literally EXHAUSTED.   My old 39 year old body is in pain because I suffer from chronic back and psoas pain on a daily.  On bad days I can barely walk without limping and hunched over...on good days, it's a dull pain that I've learned to live with.  Yoga and stretching helps but with our schedule I have not even found the time to wake up and do my morning stretch and postures because I'm just so exhausted.

YES, I am whining.. I wish I could just be positive but I know that this is my one place to let my thoughts out so I can be positive... I just need a few days of sleep..where I don't have to wake up or think about anything due.  Cannot wait for that time.  With everything piling up until Oct..it looks like that may not happen!  Keep reminding myself that everyone is busy..we all have so much going on and that this busy isn't any worse than someone elses busy.  But when anyone asks how come you are so tired...I wish I could even begin to explain..no one would understand! HAHAHAAHA

Can't wait til we get a little break in between so we can get back to the mountains and quick day trips out to nowhere =)

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Spring Break Yosemite Camping Trip

Last year we went camping at Yosemite for Spring Break.  We stayed for 4 days and it was just not enough time.  This year we planning it for a week and it still was not enough time!!

The boys had their spring break two weeks earlier than last year and we were wondering what the weather would be like.  The weather reports all said snow storms and rain so we were a little concerned making sure we had the correct gear to stay warm.  You should have seen our car it wwas packed full!!  By the time we picked up the water and food 2 hours to the park, we had everything in our laps.  It must have been a sight to see on the road.

When we arrived, it was snowy but not icy.  We wanted to get the tents set up quick before night fall and rain.  By the time our tents were set up, it had started to rain slightly.  Thank goodness we were all exhausted from the road trip that we crashed really early.  I remember waking up many times that night because it was raining and I could hear things sliding off the top of the tent.  When we woke up, I found out what it was.  It was snow! HAHAHA. it was probably the best thing to wake up to.  Everything was covered in snow and the boys were so stoked to have a snowball fight.  They even made a fort out of the branches on the ground.

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We got to see so many different things on this trip.  We were so glad we were there before the crowds and before the weather warmed up.  It was cold and seemed quieter than it had been last time.  We had a super nice neighbor who was very helpful when we had issues getting the first started in the rain.

The snowshoeing experience was probably my favorite because I have been wanting to go snowshoe hiking for years..since I first heard of it at Mount Charleston when I moved to my parents and saw snow in the mountains HAHAHA.  Never growing up with winter and snow, I had no idea about winter activities.  I wanted to try the snowshoe guided hiking at Mount Charleston but that winter I had injured my feet running and had to wait out the next winter..by then I was working and commuting between states that I couldn't get to that..so it's been on my mind forever!! I was so happy to go it made me smile.  I am now obsessed and can't wait to get my own and go all the time.  The boys loved it too and all they did was make snowballs all day!

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We explored a hike around Mirror Lake to Snow Creek and also walked from our site to Yosemite Falls..it was so beautiful.  We were a little disappointed that there wasn't much water at Mirror Lake.  We had hoped to catch what it was named for..Mirroring the mountains.  Snow Creek made up for it  with its peaceful rush of water.  We heard coyotes howling and saw them running in the woods.  It was insane to hear them so loud.  We had seen so many deer you could almost walk up to them.  I was in heaven!  We had hoped to see a bear or mountain lion but we didn't encounter one on this trip. 

There were many people next to us who came and went but our favorite was Mic.  He was the there the last two days of our stay and he was so knowledgeable and kind.  He shared so many great stories about exploring and his son who is our age.  He gave us many tips that we will use next time we go camping.  It was really inspiring.

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This trip has just reminded me that there is so much more to see.  I always say it but I know it in my heart that we need to keep going..Keep exploring.  Teaching the boys what is gifted to us because it may not always be here if people don't appreciate it.  By the end of the trip, I was so sad because it felt too short, yet again.  I could have easily stayed another week but maybe if we had come a week before we came because we were actually glad we were leaving.  It was getting so packed the last day we were there.  Everywhere was busy and crowded and were shocked at the insane line of cars that winded down the mountain to get into the park as we were driving out.  We had gone at a good time.

Thankful for the adventures life has already given me..and cannot wait for more to come...

Friday, March 2, 2018

March Women’s Month

I don’t follow many current events and trends in the world. I really should. I'm ashamed that I don’t but at the same time everything I read and see hurts my heart so much that I almost need to stay away to keep from sinking into a sadness for whatever it is I read or see.

I came across an article that march was women’s month and sad that I do not know all of these things. But I did want to say that women need to be strong and able to stand independent. I find myself a lot less independent when I’m in a relationship. My confidence seems to go out the door. On the other hand, there are a lot of beautiful things I like about who I am when I am with someone. So pros and cons of every side of the story. But it is important to know that we are individual people and we should be strong just on our own two feet. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Hauntingly Fascinating Ghost Town of George Air Force Base California

We decided to take a quick day trip out to Victorvilletoday.  It is about 2 hours away from us so we decided to explore a little.

When we got to George Air Force Base, it was open to drive into and the security was abandoned.  It has signed of no trespassing in areas and warning signed that the air was contaminated.  We had no idea what to expect as we had not done any research before driving out.  We tend to do things on the whim most of the time LOL.

We drove into the first portion where there were tons of abandoned homes..looked like military housing back home.  Everything was falling apart and windows were gone..it almost looked like someone had just bombed the whole place..but I have never seen a bombing before..just what I imagined.  As we drove out of the little turn around street, we headed into the town and saw that it extended to a huge ghost town! 

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 Large buildings were empty and ruined..we passed the hospital and saw the signs of contamination... I could hear someone singing within the building and it scared me a bit...

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George-Air-force-base-california-hospital-mathew-curran-cassie-jo-explore

We started reading about it.  It seemed so sad that this was once a busy military town and decomissioned in 1992..  I cannot imagine what it must be like to have been born there or growing up there when it was bustling and to see what it looks like now.   You can see bullets and holes in the walls and lots of paintball markings..The worst was reading about the damage all the chemicals, pesticides and radiation washed into the earth has caused and how those who must have lived there probably had no idea at the time..the whole town is deserted and yet parts of it is still upkept..we drove past a church, playground and theater that looked like it was still being used..how odd..