Saturday, September 6, 2014

Growing Up and Life's Obstacles

Oh, how time flies. This year is almost over and it feels like it was just January!  I can't believe rocket is turning 5 in 4 months. It feels like we just had his bday dinner yesterday. Z is 8 and it seems like he was just 5 years old. He's so much more like a big boy now. He no longer wants us to walk him to classes and he really has grown up to start reading stories to his brother and become such a big brother. My parents have been doing such an amazing job teaching them good manners and how to be good boys. More than I think I could ever teach them. I feel this constant guilt for being so busy all the time with work, working out, and extra curricular stuff that keeps me from being home and my parents doing most of the work,  but I'm really amazed at how well they have grown up. As broke as I am, I'm going to have to stop saving for my future rent and use that money to send rocket to preschool. He's totally ready and it would also give my mom some time to herself. I'm thinking about two days a week to start and see how things go. 

photo credit- grandma:

Sister and her husband came to visit for a few days and they had the best time with uncle Derek. He spent quality time with them and they were super stoked. 

There have been so many things happening in my life. So many things to consider and make decisions on and I have been going insane trying to juggle everything. So many good things and some stressful things but nothing that cannot be dealt with in time. Everything gets thrown at us for a reason. If life were easy, we'd never appreciate everything amazing that comes along. 

Work has been interesting. There have been sooooo many opportunities to think about its been giving me anxiety because I'm so bad at making decisions and committing to things. But I really need to think about what I want and what path to take. They ask me all the time about my goals and it gives me anxiety just because its hard for me to make decisions and I need to listen and "get out of my head" as they tell me. Over thinking gets me nowhere. At least the way *I* over think about my choices. I have a hard time figuring out what to do because I get so attached to people and things. I love my store, the people I work with and the comfort of it all. We shall see what happens =) i have the best coworkers and boss ever. 

Some of the most amazing sunrises and sunsets lately on drives 

Got to experience the Getty was beautiful

Lucky to have the best of friends who love to cook as much as I do and I am truly spoiled by everyone. And oh, how much I love the west coast and all the freshness that comes with it. Being at the farmers market and watching little kids running through the grass made me cry reminding me of being back in Hawaii and all the awesome memories of the neighborhood kids and fresh produce.

Got to catch up with some old homies from Hawaii at Uncle Todd & Aunty Rheanne's house..Enjoyed good food and drinks. I'm truly grateful for the people in our lives. The kids are very lucky. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Feeling Fresh

Everyday feels fresh. Monsoon season has lasted quite long here in the desert and everyone says there hasn't been this much rain ever. I'm pretty happy to hear that.  Maybe I brought from Hawaii rain to Vegas. 

I got to see a double rainbow and the super moon this morning on my hike/run at red rock before work. It was beautiful and refreshing. 

A few weeks ago I was back in LA visiting friends for a few days and went back to my favorite vegan place with friends. It is so nice to have fam not so far away. Who ever thought 3 hours of driving was not a big deal? Lol. It totally isn't anymore.  

Lucky to have fam who loves to cook

First time seeing lotus blossoms in person. Amazingly gorgeous. 
Been seeing a ton of gorgeous beach sunsets lately.  Totally miss the ocean. 

We dawn patrolled two weeks ago and had the best time at mount charleston. I need to explore that more. It's the one place I said i would live in if I had to stay in nevada. I'd love to lose myself in a little cabin in the mountain and I'd be pretty stoked. It was the first time I saw a deer in person and soooo close. It's was beauitful.  

I don't think there will ever be a time that I won't look at sunrise/sunset and nature and not appreciate how amazing it is. Its so cosmic. Wish I could get lost in it and some mountain and disappear with the kids. Constantly daydreaming about how to get to that point. Life would be even more amazing than it already seems to be going. 

A good friend Keith and his lady got z a late bday present and sent stuff for rocket and I as well. Nothing nicer than people who are thoughtful and actually out time in to think of the things that would matter. Presents don't matter its the thought that went into it. He's been there since I was 17 years old. I'll always be grateful for his friendship. 

On a health note, wow has life been a 180!  I have stopped taking my stomach medication which makes me extremely happy. I think majority of it was stress related and being in a situation for so many years it took a huge toll on my health. Now I am super healthy and haven't had to do it. I also stopped biting my nails! This is the first time in over 8 years that I have had my nails grown and it feels so nice to be moving toward that direction of being happy and healthy. Can't wait for the future. =)

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Keep on Rollin...

Words cannot express the amazing things that have been rolling out in the last month.  It's almost scary to think that it will all stop rolling and come to a screeching halt one day and go backwards to be the three bad things that happen at the same time.  I need to stop thinking about the negative that may never come. 

Between the rain, loving the mountain, feeling alive, spending time being a HUMAN again, finding new and old friends and sharing the most awesome times and memories, finally going from Part-time to Full-time at work, being addicted to working out (MORE SO!), and now I have the honor of being asked to be an ambassador of the week for one of my FAVORITE blogs/run communities since I started running a few years ago.  When they messaged me, I was in shock.  I never care much about being asked about things nor do I like the attention but for me, fitness and health has been such a huge part of my life and having been inspired so much by the girls at Run Like A Girl and having them ask me to be a part of it was HUGE.  It was probably one of the best things to come about since I started on my road to getting healthy.  Never in my life would I imagine having such the honor.  And for that I am has just continued on a path that I would never imagine happening a year ago..two years ago...sooooo they have posted it on their instagram and you should all get out there and follow them.  They have been such an inspiration in my life and I hope that everyone can find some sort of inspiration from them.

We have been doing a ton of group sweat sessions during the week and it's been sooooo great just to constantly have workouts to do that aren't always by myself.  Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can't believe we get paid to go's true, surround yourself with things you love because it will constantly inspire you. 

Pain and Pleasure
Costco lunch dates with little man
LA sunsets 
Vegas sunsets on the way to silks class

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Life Is Being Alive

July has been nothing short of amazing. Its funny how they say good things happen when you start doing things you normally wouldn't do.  Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George had to do opposite of what he would normally do with everything and things started going his way!

Everything started rolling since my chat with my friend about changing the way we think about whatever situation we are in.  Then I got in that plane last month that changed everything. Forever grateful to Aaron for makin me come out to LA and end up loving it there. I've always hated LA but being away from home in a desert made me appreciate the mountains and air of LA. It helps to have fam there to make me feel at home. 

Since then, I've had so many great experiences and happy times. I missed the rain so mch and since it was monsoon season, I found it in red rock and I never felt happier. It had been the first time hiking alone since I left Hawaii and it was I nice to get back in touch with nature. I went again the next day and just have me this feeling of peace that it made me feel like ME again!!!  I have found myself in the last month.  Finally able to take time for myself. Even to just say YES to group sweat session with my team.  Where in the months prior, I would always not go to most of them because I felt guilt about taking time out for myself and letting the mental battles win. Baby steps. Every little step has brought out so much happiness and smiles that I can't believe I let the last decade go by bejng suppressed existing but not living. Letting everyone else push me in a corner. 

That lead me to take a spontaneous drive out one day after work. I told Aaron I felt like dancing and he said come out here well all go dancing. Next day, I decided to drive out after work for a day and enjoy it. That is totally not something I would have done but it was nice knowing I had the next two days off of work and my mom said she was cool with it.  I got to see some old friends and see an amazing show. Literally drove back at sunrise to head straight to work which was something I had not even imagined doing in my adult life. It's been a long time since I've done something so spontaneous and I feel like I am Totally alive.  Never has everything been so amazing. And I hope I can feel this in sync with life for a long time. 

The kids have been growing up so well. My parents have been doing amazing at teaching them values and respect. Its crazy how far they have come. Now that I work full time they spend so much more time with my parents that I can see how much they've been developing these awesome habits. Nothing short of amazing. 

Sorry this post is all over the place but I just can't sit still long enough to just type. Hahahah

Reposting this because I truly believe this and its always something I read to remind myself of. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Meant to be

Everything happens for a reason. To lead us to somethjng greater down the path. I've always been a firm believer in it. Even when everything was miserable, I knew it would eventually show me an opening. 

Its funny how one change, one choice, one adventure that I would not have done normally, has led the way to so many other things that have made life positive and happy. If I had given in to my guilty feeling of doing something for myself, and not gone to LA for my bday, I wouldn't have had all these amazing moments that have kept me smiling and laughing everyday since.  It's been so long since I've laughed so hard and smiled so often. So many barriers that I had put up around myself for years have been slowly crashing down and the me I knew years ago is coming through. 

Today, the weather was dark and seemed like it would rain so I decided that after my physical therapy, if it was still cloudy outside I would drive to the mountain and see if I could get wet. I got to the therapy and it was clearing up and I started to be sad. When I went in, they had me wait and told me they couldn't get the re authorization yet so I couldn't be seen. I laughed and said ok that's totally fine I'll come next week. And jumped in my car and headed straight for the mountain. As I got closer it got dark and gloomy and I felt at home. I drove until I got to the easy trail so I wouldn't hurt my feet more and just went. It was so nice to go without anyone. Just me and my music and thoughts. I hadn't gone hiking alone since I moved away and it was really relaxing not having the kids and being able to explore on my own. I saw the wild burro which I never saw all the times I went there and the rain started. I got wet and just wanted to smile. It was the most amazing feeling to be at peace and in nature. Breathing in the dampness and humidity and all my memories of friends at home flooded back to me. I want to cry and burst out smiling at the same time. I have found my stoke in the mountain that I lost. I need to be outside where I can be at peace. 

When I left, the storm had passed and I was so glad I caught it before it disappeared.  Realizing that it was meant to be. Meant to miss my appointment so that I could be here in time for the thunder lightening and rain.

Marc and angel's blog always posts at the perfect timing. I said it before everytime I have things happening it shows up on my feed or email I had to screen shot it below hahah 

So grateful for all the happiness that has come in the last few weeks. Cosmic energy. Nature. 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

So Much to do Not Enough Time

When I originally planned my trip, I meant to do a day trip and go home the next day.  Then I decided I think two days would be perfect.  When they day came, I thought I couldn't do it and should just stay home.  Forcing myself to go, once there, it was relaxing and so much fun to be in the company of good people with so much I still wanted to do but not enough time.  Two days is definitely NOT enough time to catch up with old friends and find all the good foods I wanted to try before I went home.

Aaron and Ming were right, this is the test out being away from the kids for more than a few hours and realizing that if it turns out to be not as bad as I thought, it would be the start of more day trips to come.

My homie since I was 18..jacked this pic from his Instagram:

We didn't get to go to Universal before my flight because our passes were black out days but we did get to just hang, eat, and see Venice Beach.  Been there, done that, no need to do it again HAHAHAHHAHA!  It was like walking through a SUPER SUPER long International Marketplace like back home in Waikiki (RIP).  Ming, being from Miami, and I, being from Hawaii, seeing the brown ocean was like, "UHHHHH ya, ok" but the ocean in itself is just calming and relaxing and if I ever lived there, I would totally go to a brown beach on down time just to eat lunch and relax listening to the ocean. 
I miss the ocean. I miss surfing.  I miss home but I don't miss the shit that was home.  Being surrounded by positive friends and just FAM is like a recharge.  Getting to see Laura, whom I haven't seen since I was probably 20 was sooooo awesome.  

She took us to this amazing vegan restaurant and I want to live in LA just for the food.  It is a definite must when I go next time.  Kale perogies, raw tacos, vegan ice cream, and friend mac and cheese......I will keep on dreaming til the next time I can eat there again. 

 I haven't eaten in restaurants in so long.  Being broke and just eating healthy and clean keeps me from eating out so this trip was a lot of firsts for me..and such a great time I can't stop missing it already.

The kids didn't even miss me which made me happy but sad at the same time.  They have gotten so used to me working and having grandma play with them that they miss me but they no longer cry or feel sad.  Back in Hawaii, the only had me so they weren't used to having me gone.  It was like that when we moved here too..just going to a job interview was stressful for me.  The guilt I felt for being away was hard.  But now they are used to it and know that I am always going to be coming home right away, they are happy kids and I feel less stress and guilt for picking up an extra shift at work.  They have grown up so much and I feel like I am continuously growing as a mom too.

The moment I felt the cool air in LA and saw the mountains, I knew that I can't stay in Vegas for too long.  Although I most likely will stay for a while just because the kids need the support and I do too.   I have a hard time trusting strangers to take care of my kids so they are in the best hands once I start working full-time. I'll keep looking but it will probably be awhile until to find a job somewhere along the west coast..but being in California really made me see how much my goals are there..being on the west coast..Oregon, Cali, Washington...somewhere near the PCT...or just being on the PNW..I have to get there someday in the near future.  I belong in the green mountain..not the desert..and if I am not in Hawaii then I'd be happy up there!!! GOALS GOALS GOALS.....going to make things happen.